Monthly Archives: July 2013

I Can’t Believe I Don’t Live in a Crystal Castle

Do you ever take deep breaths and reflect on your life and think, gee, it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. I am not supposed to live in a tiny apartment with mismatched tiles and thin walls and dust … Continue reading

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Dennis Farina, An Awesome Dude, Has Died

Man, this is a huge disappointment. The actor Dennis Farina died today. He was 69. I loved Dennis not only because he was a phenomenal actor, he was also an inspiration to latebloomers everywhere. A Chicago native, her served on … Continue reading

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Tina Turner is Not Your Private Dancer

Bummerz men, Tina Turner will be dancing for someone that is not you. That’s right, home girl just married a Swiss gentlemen named Erwin Bach. Oh, and she’s 73 and he’s 57. Oh, and they’ve been together for 27 years. … Continue reading

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Geraldo Rivera: The Jon Hamm of Chests?

Once upon a time, Geraldo Rivera looked like a disco version of Inigo Montoya. Now, he looks like a giant hot stud at your neighborhood retirement community. Rivera CLEARLY does not need to look for treasures in Al Capone’s vault, … Continue reading

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Clarissa Explains Her Son’s Nursery

Today brings you the latest entry into the “And Not a Single F— Was Given” Hall of Fame. Clarissa Melissa Joan Hart introduces the world to her son’s nursery. To be fair, it’s really nice as far as baby rooms … Continue reading

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Candy of the Kid Haters

Halloween’s a few months away, but I love candy so, you know, it’s on my mind now. All of the above candies would be super cool to get, even the sugar-free gum! If someone gave me frigging After Eight Thin … Continue reading

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Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: The Sophie’s Choice of Emmys

Oh my God, today all of the Emmy nominations were announced. Since I love TV more than I love bread and water, I am SO EXCITED. And, let’s be honest, stressed. Because there are so many talented people nominated and … Continue reading

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What the World Needs Now is Dan Cortese, Sweet Dan Cortese

Do you ever look around the room and go, “Where did it go? WHERE DID IT GO???” And you’re not talking about all your money, or your dignity, or your clothes. You’re talking about Dan Cortese’s career. I loved him … Continue reading

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Eye Will Save You!

Oh my God guys. REALLY bad news. The whole entire world is FLOODING. Total f—ing bummer. The cars are all ruined. The helicopters and planes and even HOT AIR BALLOONS have been confiscated by the same rich dicks who didn’t … Continue reading

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Let’s Go Free Willy!

No, Free Willy is not my campaign to unleash the beast from Jon Hamm’s pants, though I can understand your confusion. Free Willy, of course, is a motion picture about a kid and a killer whale. At one point it jumps over … Continue reading

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