Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 15!

Believe it or not, The DVR Files is about TV. Sometimes I get sidetracked by things like Jon Hamm’s package. Who can blame me?

Jon Hamm pants

You’re welcome my fellow pervs.

I also get sidetracked by guilt, which is something I attain when I post pics of Jon Hamm’s package. It’s the Catholic in me! What can I say. I’m trying to atone by highlighting Hot Catholics during Lent.

So today’s entry is a brilliant combination of television and faith! I’m currently four episodes into the HBO limited series Big Little Lies and I am obseeessssed. No spoilers please as I know the show just ended. And one of the leading actresses in the show is today’s, I mean Day 15’s, Hot Catholic of Lent.

Yes, I’m talking about Nicole Kidman!

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Apparently she is wearing a wig on the show but I don’t care, she still looks amazing. And because I’m not a shallow person and I don’t ONLY care about people LOOKING hot, I will note that her performance on the show is brilliant – quietly devastating and powerful all at once. Geez, I used a lot of vague adjectives there. But since I’m demanding no spoilers, I’m granting the same favor to you.

Nicole, like fellow Catholic Katie Holmes, is more than Tom Cruise’s ex-wife who escaped the evil clutches of Scientology. She is a talented actress and she’s currently married to a man who may spend more time on his hair she does, Keith Urban. But they seem happy and nice and I love them. Not in a stalker-ish way, but in a fan girl way. TOTALLY different.

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And he’s not afraid to let her wear heels. Take that Tom Cruise!

Sure, I pray Nicole would go back to her crazy red curls, but God has bigger issues than answering my prayers.

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Dead sexy

So congratulations, Nicole Kidman, for being The DVR Files’ Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 15!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

It’s a Friday during Lent and I have not eaten meat yet today. I say “yet” because last Friday I ate a bacon donut by accident. What can I say? I was on vacation in Colorado. And no, I had not taken a legal puff that gave me the munchies, I was simply forgetful. My mom, who is way more devout than I, ate chicken that night. Hell-bound, we Simones are. So someone please text me at 6p tonight when I’m about to stop at McDonald’s and remind me to order a Filet-O-Fish instead of a Big Mac.

Hamburglar

Send this guy over if you have to.

But this is not about me, this about the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14 (albeit 17 days late). And yes, yes, while we have all agreed that it SHOULD be about me because I am the Hot Catholic of Lent, period, we need to give someone else a chance.

LizClock

Duh.

Lately I’ve been DVR’ing old movies airing on TCM. They rock because they don’t have commercials to fast forward through so I save a lot of thumb energy. Classic films and less exercise. A win-win situation. The other day I started watching  the 1952 flick The Quiet Man starring John Wayne, filmed in Ireland. I only got about 45 minutes into it, but I encountered such a beautiful lass that I was all STOP THE PRESSES, DVR Files! We’ve found our Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

Maureen O’Hara!

Maureen O'Hara Quietman

Maureen is a Hot lots of things. Hot Ginger, Hot Hat-Wearer, and Hot Senior Citizen. Here is a picture of her at the 2014 TCM Film Festival when she was 93.

Maureen90

Home girl had good genes, I’ll say. Unfortunately, she died a year and a half later at the ripe old age of 95 on October 24, 2015. I bet she drank a Guinness with the Duke on St. Paddy’s Day in heaven!

So congratulations, my sweet and fiery Irish lass Maureen O’Hara, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

And seriously, someone text me tonight to remind me not to eat meat.

 

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 13!

Oops, I fell behind on my Hot Catholics of Lent again. What a sinner! We have 17 to go till I catch up. I’ve got the faith that I can do it.

So even though today is actually Day 30 of Lent, let’s return to where I left off, Day 13. Are you ready?

The Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 13 is the classic Hollywood hottie Gregory Peck!

GregoryPeck

Many of us fell in love with Peck when he played the honorable lawyer Atticus Finch in the 1962 film adaptation of the beloved 1960 novel To Kill a Mockingbird where he defended an innocent black man in 1930s Alabama. Then author Harper Lee had to ruin the illusion nearly sixty years later when she published her only other novel Go Set a Watchman in 2015. She actually had written the book before Mockingbird though it was set twenty years later in the ’50s. Anyway, it turns out that maybe Atticus was kind of a racist after all. Nooooo! I refuse to read it.

I was so obsessed with the book and movie To Kill A Mockingbird in high school that I was determined to name my first son Atticus. I was going to same my second and third sons Phineas (after a character in the 1959 novel A Separate Peace) and Forrest (after another righteous Southern lawyer, Forrest Bedford, portrayed by Sam Waterston in the 1990s TV show I’ll Fly Away. Then Forrest Gump had to come out and ruin everything).

Luckily, I have no sons.

Gregory Peck passed away in 2003 at the age of 87. This Hot Catholic of Lent definitely has a place in heaven!

 

 

 

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The DVR Files Turns 5 Today!

Today is a great day in history! Pope Francis was elected in 2013. L. Ron Hubbard was born on in 1911, and without him we would not have the TV show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath which I have not actually watched yet but it’s on the DVR!

LeahReminiLivingDolls

She’ll always be a Living Doll to me.

And most importantly of all, on March 13, 2012, history was made when Liz Simons (that’s me) launched the legendary (in her mind) blog The DVR Files!

Over the years I’ve tackled the subjects that no other journalist will touch:

What can I say? I’m a regular old Nellie Bly.

So happy birthday to The DVR Files! I will accept gifts on its behalf!

 

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12!

These days you can have a famous parent and 100+ followers on Instagram and call yourself a supermodel.

GigiKendall

I’m talking to you Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner.

In my day, you actually had to be discovered at McDonald’s (Gisele), at the airport (Kate Moss), or in the local paper (Cindy Crawford).

And if you were the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12, you were discovered riding a horse in Miami.

Yes, I am talking about Christy Turlington!

ChristyTurlington

Christy was one of the great supermodels of the ’90s along with Naomi, Linda, and Cindy. And she was not one to rely on her beauty – in 1994 she entered New York University and graduated with a Bachelors in 1999. She continued her education at Columbia where she sought a Masters in Public Health. She married Ed Burns in 2003 and they have two children together. I’ve had friends spot them at church in New York which warms my heart.

Still striking at 48, Turlington has long been an activist for humanitarian causes, working with CARE and founding Every Mother Counts in 2011.

And while I am super impressed by her good deeds, I will admit as a shallow person I love her most for her appearance in George Michael’s famous 1990 video for his hit song “Freedom!” Yes I said it.

So congratulations, Christy, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 11!

One of the beauties of being a Hot Catholic of Lent is you don’t even have to be alive or real to take the honor. You can be dead or fictional! Day’s 11 Hot Catholic falls into the former category (dead) but his imprint is timeless.

Giacomo Puccini!

Giacomo Puccini

For all you uncultured plebes, Puccini was a supremely talented Italian opera composer. According to his Wikipedia entry (I’m a thorough researcher) he was the greatest behind only Verdi. But to me Puccini is number one because he composed my favorite opera of all time, Madama Butterfly. Truth be told, it’s the only one I know but that’s neither here nor there.

Puccini’s two other most famous works are La Bohème and Tosca. Both feature songs that come up on my Enya/Bach Pandora station sometimes. Cool stuff.

Because I love you, here is a recording of legendary diva Maria Callas singing the aria “Un Bel dì Vedremo” (“One Fine Day”) from Butterfly. You don’t need to understand the lyrics in order to be moved (hint – it’s kind of depressing). But here you go anyway!

 

Congratulations, Giacomo Puccini, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 10!

Really, I should stop engaging in this silly habit of a daily Hot Catholic of Lent when there is one grand babe who is truly the Hot Being of Everything which includes objects on all planes of existence in every state of the world that ever was. This particular woman is more important to the creation of the Universe – let alone Catholicism – than the Big Bang or the book of Genesis.

Yes, I am talking about Sophia Loren.

Sophia Loren

The Italian goddess, now 82, has been acting since 1950. She won the Academy Award for Best Actress in 1962 for her role in the film Two Women, the first actor to win an Oscar for a foreign-language performance.

In spite of her talent and beauty, Sophia’s most important contribution to society is the invention of the side eye, which she famously gave to fellow bombshell Jayne Mansfield in 1957.

Sophia Jayne

No stranger to decolletage herself, Loren was truly impressed by Mansfield’s assets. In a 2014 interview with Entertainment Weekly, she explained her reaction:

Paramount had organized a party for me. All of cinema was there, it was incredible. And then comes in Jayne Mansfield, the last one to come. For me, that was when it got amazing. She came right for my table. She knew everyone was watching. She sat down. And now, she was barely… Listen. Look at the picture. Where are my eyes? I’m staring at her nipples because I am afraid they are about to come onto my plate. In my face you can see the fear. I’m so frightened that everything in her dress is going to blow—BOOM!—and spill all over the table.

I would have been scared too Sophia!

Sophia was married for fifty years to Carlo Ponti, Sr. until his death in 2007. She had two sons with him and now is a grandmother of four. She still acts and still looks great!

SophiaLorentoday

So congratulations, Sophia, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 10! I know, I know, in truth you are THE Hot Catholic of All 40 Days of Lent, but we have to be fair to the rest of us mere mortals who walk this Earth.

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 9!

Yes, today is actually Day 12 of Lent. Yes, that means I have slacked off. No, I did not go to confession. Laziness isn’t one of the seven deadly sins! Neither is knowing all of the names of the Kardashian grandchildren but it should be.

KardashianGrandkids

North, Penelope, Mason, and Reign in the pre-Saint/Dream days. Very ashamed I didn’t even have to google this.

But do you know what IS one of the seven deadly sins? Greed. And do you know who is one of the greediest men alive? The man who has five Super Bowl rings, the most of any quarterback in the NFL. The man who is Day 9’s Hot Catholic of Lent, Tom Brady!

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We are still waiting for the Super Bowl LI ring to be designed, but I am sure it will be as tasteful as the ones above.

I know, I know. How can someone so sinful be the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 9? Well, Tom has certainly paid his dues and made many sacrifices as a good Catholic should during Lent. One, he once dated Tara Reid. Two, he’s never eaten a strawberry. Three, he can’t steal his kids’ Halloween candy. This is a man who has suffered.

And let’s be honest, he is handsome (even if occasionally he uses too much hair product) and he is an extremely focused worker, which he demonstrated in the historic comeback in this year’s Super Bowl when the New England Patriots were down 28-3 in the third quarter and ended up beating the Atlanta Falcons 34-28.

Moreover, he loves his parents Tom Sr. and Galynn very much. The Super Bowl was the first game his mother had attended all season as she has been battling cancer for the past 18 months. Tom has said her prognosis is good so let’s all pray for her!

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So congratulations Tom Brady for not only being GOAT but also for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 9! It’s an honor that is even more impressive than five Super Bowl victories!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 8!

It’s International Women’s Day so let’s celebrate one of the most bitching, righteous ladies who walks the walk as the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 8!

Sister Helen Prejean!

Helen Prejean

Sister Prejean is an avid opponent of the death penalty and is best-known for her 1993 biographical book Dead Man Walking, based on her experiences working with inmates on death row. It was made into a movie in 1995 starring Susan Sarandon as Prejean and Sean Penn as Matthew Poncelet, a composite character of real-life convicts Robert Lee Willie and Elmo Patrick Sonnier. I saw the movie my junior year in high school around the same time I read Henry David Thoreau’s “Civil Disobedience” and both had a profound effect on me. Thoreau stated, “Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something.” And Sister Helen was the epitome of that!

At my sister Katie’s college graduation from Holy Cross in 1999, Sister Prejean received an honorary degree and I was within feet from her at one point. I was so star-struck that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. And this is coming from someone who has met Dina Lohan in person! I’m used to celebs!

So thank you, Sister Helen Prejean, for your commitment to social justice! You are the perfect candidate for Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 8! which conveniently is International Women’s Day!

 

 

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 7!

One week into Lent and I’ve been all about sexy people for Hot Catholics.

JackWhite today

And yes, some people do consider Day 4’s Hot Catholic of Lent Jack White a babe. Look how much he’s cleaned up!

But Lent has something to do with Jesus and faith and being good and all those types of things you can find about at church or on wikipedia. And along those lines I am declaring Day 7’s Hot Catholic of Lent a true Christian, albeit a fictional one from a novel which later became a musical. That’s right, I’m talking about Jean Valjean of Les Misérables fame!

Jean Valjean

The original Valjean on Broadway, played by Colm Wilkinson (also a Hot Catholic!)

I first became obsessed with Les Mis in fourth grade when I’d go over my friend Nicki’s house and she’d play the song “Master of the House” over and over and over again which we loved because they said the word “shit” in it. Oh, how we’d laugh. My uncle John sent me the soundtrack on cassette tape for my tenth birthday. My tastes had evolved by then. I preferred the song “Come to Me,” aka the one where Fantine dies. Coincidentally my favorite movie at that time was Beaches. What can I say? I liked people dying in my entertainment.

By high school I had moved on from Fantine to Valjean. A one time petty criminal who had served nineteen years in prison for stealing bread for his starving sister’s family, he had reinvented himself as a successful factory owner. But his old nemesis, the police inspector Javert, was always on the lookout for Valjean. At one point Valjean was about to let another man get arrested for a minor crime Valjean committed. Right before he launched into the song “Who Am I?”, Valjean declared, “If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned.” He ended up confessing to his crime, singing:

Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on
Who am I? Who am I?
I am Jean Valjean!
And so Javert, you see it’s true
That man bears no more guilt than you!
Who am I?
24601!

 

Gets me every time!

To this day, Valjean’s first statement has stuck with me: “If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned.” It’s a reminder that our first obligation is to our conscience. We must do what’s right, even if it hurts us. Unless, of course, you’re a sociopath without any conscience. Then do whatever you want!

And because you want it, here is Colm Wilkinson/Valjean singing “Who Am I?”at the tenth anniversary concert of Les Misérables. 

 

 

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