Sometimes I get really jealous of little kids because they get to do things like only go to school for a half a day, their moms make them their lunches, and they don’t have to pay for their own clothes. That is SO unfair!
If only I could turn back time . . . .
However, some moms are not above teaching their children a little responsibility, so they send them to the grocery store to buy a few items.
Gosh, now I want a snack! I curse you, Sesame Street!
Hey all!
Today The DVR Files celebrates its 6 month birthday. What an accomplishment!
Here are a few things it has outlasted:
Mazel tov! Let’s go renew our vows Heidi Klum/Seal style!
Oh wait…..
It’s been an interesting ride. What I have learned is that . . .
You think Courtney Stodden is the most beautiful woman/child in the world.
For the love of all that’s sacred, WHY is she off the market?
You’re a bunch of pervs who enjoy looking at Jon Hamm’s junk.
Even the kitty is excited!
The only person you want to bang from Girls is Adam.
You wish 1980s child actors Gennie James and Peter from The Cosby Show would stage a comeback RIGHT NOW.
In the kingdom of Famewhoredom, LeAnn Rimes wears the crown.
So thank you, my wise subjects, for reading. Pass on the word . . . because at The DVR Files, nothing is confidential!
Confession: I spent a lot of time at the beach growing up and my mom only gave me one dollar for the ice cream man. I was still hungry, so I ate what was nearby. Sand! To be fair, I was only a toddler, so don’t judge. My teeth turned out fine, by the way.
Know who else liked sand? BERT!!!!
Who the hell did not love playing that game back in the day. It was one of my favorites!
Jesus F—ing Christ. Can you believe that Anna Nicole Smith’s little girl Dannielynn Birkhead is now six-years-old? No? Well, thank GOD for Access Hollywood because they will take us directly to her birthday party on Monday. They should really call it Access Ohio, because that’s where the celebration is! Who’s coming with?
With Daddy Larry, but they really look like twins. Eek!
It’s kind of unbelievable that Anna has been dead for almost six years. She was such a sad soul but I imagine she’d take comfort that her daughter seems to be flourishing.
I will always love Anna for her wackado take on life in The Anna Nicole Show, one of the first voyeuristic reality shows that introduced us to perhaps the greatest reality character of all time, Bobby Trendy.
You KNOW he pulled a LeAnn Rimes and called the paparazzi himself!
Must because my mom never bought me Encyclopedia Britannica!
He’s such a dweeb, he makes me look cool. I bet he even belonged to the Superman asthma club!
The other day I was thinking what heaven would be like. I bet it’s a really fun place with all your favorite things in one central location. You’ve got the Plinko board from The Price is Right, the big wheel from Wheel of Fortune, and the money machine from Grab That Dough.
I hate to say it, but Barbara Thorndyke would have been a better partner than Blanche.
In other words, it would be all my favorite game shows wrapped into one! Can you imagine the prizes you’d win? I’d say I’d died and gone to heaven, but I’d already be there!
At any rate, growing up I was a big nerd and while I did like, say, Family Feud, I also liked the cerebral game shows. For example, I was more of a fan of Make the Grade than Finders Keepers on Nickelodeon because it was like Jeopardy for kids. I even plotted who would be my partner on Double Dare to ensure our participation in the Obstacle course (either my sister’s friend Kevin or Maria, they were both wicked smart). I was always thinking ahead.
What child of the ’80s did NOT dream of winning a Casio keyboard, a metal detector, and a trip to Space Camp, all within 60 seconds???
Then in high school I went through phase where I was nerdy, ironic, and rebellious. Which meant I got good grades, watched Comedy Central, and smoked Parliament Lights. And my favorite show, of course, was Win Ben Stein’s Money featuring the eponymous Ben and his cohost Jimmy Kimmel.
For 5k, guess which one is hosting the Emmys this year?
What budding hipster did not dream of going in the booth against Ben? I always wondered why everyone always chose to go first. I would have gone after Ben, to see what score I needed to beat. But that’s the Square One-watching geek in me.
Unfortunately WBSM went off the air in 2003, so I’ll never get to fulfill my fantasy. Ugh. Maybe they’ll stage a revival? A girl can dream!
Okay, by now it’s old news in the blogosphere but it’s still SUPER important and BIG. It keeps swelling and swelling! Are you standing at attention in an erect position? I hope so, because we need to talk about the heat that Mr. Jon Hamm is packing.
Maybe Jon should change his last name to Sausage?
Damn, Jon’s long term girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt is one lucky lady! No wonder she is no longer “Kissing Jessica Stein!”
In one hundred billion years when human beings are extinct, they’re going to find a fossilized version of Jon Hamm’s pants, because just LOOK at how goddamn clear that imprint is.
Now I need to take a shower, because I feel dirty.
Man, I REALLY wish I was in seventh grade again because puberty was SO KIND to me.
Celebrating the perm years
It would also be awesome because then I could go home after school, have a pack of Dunkaroos, and settle down with a tall glass in front of milk in front of the tv and watch the best teen soap ever, Swans Crossing, starring this really cool up and coming young actress Sarah Michelle Gellar.
I bet she will NEVER be able to kick a vampire’s ass!
After the show, I’ll just go into my room and listen to this awesome new album Eric Clapton: Unplugged. He has this great, slow song called “Layla.” You’d totally like it!
Oh my God people, did you here??? Mila Kunis stood outside in the rain for a Madonna concert at Yankee Stadium!!! What a f—ing brave soul!
Admittedly, it would NOT be fair if her hair got wet after she spent all this time blow drying it straight.
Please add this to the pile of sh– no one cares about. I don’t care how good she was on That ’70s Show.
Ryan Reynolds sure likes them young!
People Magazine has announced that the 35-year-old Ryan Reynolds, star of beloved sitcom Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place has married Russ from European Vacation’s younger half-sister Blake Lively, age 25. Mazel tov?
I’m really impressed that you can look into her eyes!
Granted, a ten year age difference isn’t THAT bad, considering that Blake portrays super sophisticated Serena can der Woodsen on Gossip Girl, the CW series based on the slutty teen fiction books that I used to read during my lunch break when I worked at Barnes & Noble. BUT, this is Ryan’s second marriage in less than five years to a hot young thing. Reynolds famously married indie starlet Scarlett Johansson in 2008 when he was 32 and she was 23. Shockingly, they divorced just two years later.
Ryan must really like cleavage!
Perhaps Ryan likes them young because of a case of arrested development from his Fifteen years on Nickelodeon, where he played serious Billy Simpson, whose dad was an alcoholic, or maybe it was his sister’s boyfriend who had the drinking problem. I can’t remember.
For the love of Danny Glover, WHY didn’t his dad take him to the ball game???
And let’s not forget that Ryan was also once engaged to fellow famous Canadian Nickelodeon star Alanis Morisette. That definitely, maybe was a match made in heaven!
So I guess congratulations? And if this relationship doesn’t work, I know a nice young lady who will probably be on the market soon.
Just in time for Christmas, presenting Courtney Stodden!
The DVR Files 