Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 4!

So I know Lent has been going on since Valentine’s Day so today is technically Day 19 of Lent (or maybe NOT) but Lent operates at a slow pace in my world. I gave up Candy Crush AND Two Dots and I deleted Facebook from my phone so I’ve been delirious with grief. You’d think that would give me more time to write, but instead it has given me more time to watch the 55 Datelines I have recorded on my DVR.

Keith Morrison stance

Keith would be proud.

But now the Oscars are on and I’m reminded that I once dreamed about being a movie star and instead I’m drinking diet root beer out of the bottle while waiting for my Brussel Sprouts to cook and, well, Fantine’s song “I Dreamed a Dream” comes to mind. But I don’t live in Hell, I live in New York City! Which yes, many people confuse with Hell but I know the truth. It’s more like Purgatory!

You know who likes New York City too? Brooklyn native and current Oscar host Jimmy Kimmel. I first discovered Kimmel in 1997 when he was the co-host of Win Ben Stein’s Money. He then went on to host the show that made me gain 40 pounds in college, The Man Show before becoming a late night staple in 2003 on the eponymous Jimmy Kimmel Live!

JimmyKimmel

Oh hello.

Here’s the thing. I always assumed Kimmel was Jewish. That’s a compliment, of course. And then one day I was trying to figure out what year’s Win Ben Stein’s Money was on and yes, I am ashamed I had to google it, and lo and behold on Kimmel’s wikipedia page it said that he had an Italian mom and a German dad and he was raised Catholic and even served as an altar boy! Swoon!

I always liked Jimmy and forgave him for the whole Juggy-Girls-on-trampolines thing because he’s shown a lot of growth in the years since and has used his platform for a lot of good, including being a huge advocate for my beloved vaccines!

So congratulations, Jimmy Kimmel! Not only are you the host of the Oscars tonight, you are also The DVR Files’ selection for Hot Catholic of the Day!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 3!

One of the most beautiful things about being an adult is you can do whatever you want. Cheetos for breakfast? Sure. Cheetos for lunch? Duh. Cheetos for dinner? Eh, maybe.

Another bonus is we can see Rated R movies whenever we want. We don’t even have to ask our parents to buy our tickets! We don’t even get carded! We can just mosey into any old theater and say, one for Midnight Cowboy please!

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And yes, I know Midnight Cowboy is actually rated X! We can see those too!

There was a time, of course, when this wasn’t the case. 1991 specifically was a tough year to be under 17 if you were a movie fan who had crushes on handsome hunks, as I was. This was the year of Terminator 2 starring Eddie Furlong, Mobsters with Christian Slater AND Richard Grieco, and Backdraft featuring just about every actor including The DVR Files’ Hot Catholic of Lent Billy Baldwin!

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Rescue me!

Backdraft came out right around Memorial Day weekend. 11-year-old me desperately wanted to see it. A movie about hot firefighters? Yes please! But it was Rated R and my parents weren’t the cool parents back then. We didn’t even have a Slip ‘n Slide. Somehow, though, I got my mother to let me see Backdraft. I saw it with my grandmother, who afterwards said of actor Billy Baldwin, I like his looks. I didn’t even know who Billy Baldwin WAS at the time. But I knew he made me feel weird things inside, in a GOOD way.

Now, 27 years later, Billy is the quiet Baldwin despite the fact that he married the most famous woman of all the Baldwin Brothers, CHYNNA PHILLIPS! Hilaria, take a seat!

Chynna

So congratulations, Billy, for being The DVR Files’ Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 3!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 2!

One of my strong points is I’m really up on current events. I can name four of Elizabeth Taylor’s sevens husbands without googling, I know the top grossing film of 1993, and June 25, 2009 is the day we lost two icons (including one who was  the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 2! LAST YEAR!).

LarryLiz

But Husband # 7, the stud known as Larry Fortensky, is the only one who mattered.

I’m not trying to brag, it’s just that I’m on top of the social pulse. And a few months ago I saw this movie called The Lady From Shanghai on the network TCM. I think TCM stands for The Current Movies. Anyway, this really talented guy named Orson Welles wrote, directed AND starred in it. I’m telling you, he’s going to go somewhere! He’s kind of cute too!

OrsonWelles

I love a man wearing a tie.

But Orson isn’t Catholic so he’s not the hot Catholic of Lent: Day 2! No, that honor goes to his costar and then wife, Margarita Carmen Cansino. You may know her better as Rita Hayworth!

RitaHayworth

Stunning!

Rita might quite possibly be one of the most beautiful women on the planet. She was married five times, including once to a PRINCE! I’m sure she went to confession a LOT.

So congrats, Rita, on earning one of Catholicism’s greatest honors! There are 40 Hot Catholics of Lent, and you’re one of them!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 1!

Hola amigos. It’s been a few months since I’ve written. No, I have not hibernated. Yes, I am still watching TV. I’ve also been playing a LOT of Candy Crush, and that sugar rush has kept me away from a lot of my goals.

CandyCrushgirl

She’s sweet enough to give you diabetes!

But lucky for you today is Ash Wednesday, and in addition to having ashes on my head I also have a re-commitment to writing! And yes I know I say that every year! But I mean it this time – I’m going to renew my vows to blogging the way a real housewife renews her wedding vows! That ALWAYS works!

Anyway, along those lines I’m going to revive my popular series (ie my mom read it) from last year’s Lenten season, Hot Catholics of Lent! Every day, or let’s be honest, ALMOST every day, I will feature a hot Catholic of Lent! And who better to begin it than an absolute ICON of the screen, Jack Nicholson!

JackNicholsonCuckoo

According to wikipedia, Jack was raised Catholic. I don’t know if he’s still practicing, but he definitely has sinned a lot like any good Catholic. He cheated on his long time partner Anjelica Huston (how DARE he) with Rebecca Broussard, an actress who has no credits since 2000. Jack might not be considered hot in the traditional sense anymore, but he was smoking back in the day. I would have flown over the cuckoo’s nest to be with him.

Who will be tomorrow’s Hot Catholic of Lent??? Stay tuned!

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2017 Emmy Predictions!

OMG I’m baaaaaack! And here are my Emmy predictions 15 minutes before the ceremony begins.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

Who Will Win: Robert De Niro, The Wizard of Lies
Who Should Win: Riz Ahmed, The Night Of

Riz Ahmed

I would spend every “night of” my life with him!

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

Who Will Win: Reese Witherspoon, Big Little Lies
Who Should Win: Nicole Kidman, Big Little Lies

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Who Will Win: Anthony Anderson, black-ish
Who Should Win: Anthony Anderson, black-ish

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Who Will Win: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Who Should Win: Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Who Will Win: Claire Foy, The Crown
Who Should Win: Claire Foy, The Crown

 

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Who Will Win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Who Should Win: Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie

Outstanding Comedy Series

Who Will Win: Veep
Who Should Win: Silicon Valley

Outstanding Drama Series

Who Will Win: Better Call Saul
Who Should Win: This Is Us

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 15!

Believe it or not, The DVR Files is about TV. Sometimes I get sidetracked by things like Jon Hamm’s package. Who can blame me?

Jon Hamm pants

You’re welcome my fellow pervs.

I also get sidetracked by guilt, which is something I attain when I post pics of Jon Hamm’s package. It’s the Catholic in me! What can I say. I’m trying to atone by highlighting Hot Catholics during Lent.

So today’s entry is a brilliant combination of television and faith! I’m currently four episodes into the HBO limited series Big Little Lies and I am obseeessssed. No spoilers please as I know the show just ended. And one of the leading actresses in the show is today’s, I mean Day 15’s, Hot Catholic of Lent.

Yes, I’m talking about Nicole Kidman!

NicoleKidman.jpeg

Apparently she is wearing a wig on the show but I don’t care, she still looks amazing. And because I’m not a shallow person and I don’t ONLY care about people LOOKING hot, I will note that her performance on the show is brilliant – quietly devastating and powerful all at once. Geez, I used a lot of vague adjectives there. But since I’m demanding no spoilers, I’m granting the same favor to you.

Nicole, like fellow Catholic Katie Holmes, is more than Tom Cruise’s ex-wife who escaped the evil clutches of Scientology. She is a talented actress and she’s currently married to a man who may spend more time on his hair she does, Keith Urban. But they seem happy and nice and I love them. Not in a stalker-ish way, but in a fan girl way. TOTALLY different.

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And he’s not afraid to let her wear heels. Take that Tom Cruise!

Sure, I pray Nicole would go back to her crazy red curls, but God has bigger issues than answering my prayers.

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Dead sexy

So congratulations, Nicole Kidman, for being The DVR Files’ Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 15!

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

It’s a Friday during Lent and I have not eaten meat yet today. I say “yet” because last Friday I ate a bacon donut by accident. What can I say? I was on vacation in Colorado. And no, I had not taken a legal puff that gave me the munchies, I was simply forgetful. My mom, who is way more devout than I, ate chicken that night. Hell-bound, we Simones are. So someone please text me at 6p tonight when I’m about to stop at McDonald’s and remind me to order a Filet-O-Fish instead of a Big Mac.

Hamburglar

Send this guy over if you have to.

But this is not about me, this about the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14 (albeit 17 days late). And yes, yes, while we have all agreed that it SHOULD be about me because I am the Hot Catholic of Lent, period, we need to give someone else a chance.

LizClock

Duh.

Lately I’ve been DVR’ing old movies airing on TCM. They rock because they don’t have commercials to fast forward through so I save a lot of thumb energy. Classic films and less exercise. A win-win situation. The other day I started watching  the 1952 flick The Quiet Man starring John Wayne, filmed in Ireland. I only got about 45 minutes into it, but I encountered such a beautiful lass that I was all STOP THE PRESSES, DVR Files! We’ve found our Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

Maureen O’Hara!

Maureen O'Hara Quietman

Maureen is a Hot lots of things. Hot Ginger, Hot Hat-Wearer, and Hot Senior Citizen. Here is a picture of her at the 2014 TCM Film Festival when she was 93.

Maureen90

Home girl had good genes, I’ll say. Unfortunately, she died a year and a half later at the ripe old age of 95 on October 24, 2015. I bet she drank a Guinness with the Duke on St. Paddy’s Day in heaven!

So congratulations, my sweet and fiery Irish lass Maureen O’Hara, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 14!

And seriously, someone text me tonight to remind me not to eat meat.

 

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 13!

Oops, I fell behind on my Hot Catholics of Lent again. What a sinner! We have 17 to go till I catch up. I’ve got the faith that I can do it.

So even though today is actually Day 30 of Lent, let’s return to where I left off, Day 13. Are you ready?

The Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 13 is the classic Hollywood hottie Gregory Peck!

GregoryPeck

Many of us fell in love with Peck when he played the honorable lawyer Atticus Finch in the 1962 film adaptation of the beloved 1960 novel To Kill a Mockingbird where he defended an innocent black man in 1930s Alabama. Then author Harper Lee had to ruin the illusion nearly sixty years later when she published her only other novel Go Set a Watchman in 2015. She actually had written the book before Mockingbird though it was set twenty years later in the ’50s. Anyway, it turns out that maybe Atticus was kind of a racist after all. Nooooo! I refuse to read it.

I was so obsessed with the book and movie To Kill A Mockingbird in high school that I was determined to name my first son Atticus. I was going to same my second and third sons Phineas (after a character in the 1959 novel A Separate Peace) and Forrest (after another righteous Southern lawyer, Forrest Bedford, portrayed by Sam Waterston in the 1990s TV show I’ll Fly Away. Then Forrest Gump had to come out and ruin everything).

Luckily, I have no sons.

Gregory Peck passed away in 2003 at the age of 87. This Hot Catholic of Lent definitely has a place in heaven!

 

 

 

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The DVR Files Turns 5 Today!

Today is a great day in history! Pope Francis was elected in 2013. L. Ron Hubbard was born on in 1911, and without him we would not have the TV show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath which I have not actually watched yet but it’s on the DVR!

LeahReminiLivingDolls

She’ll always be a Living Doll to me.

And most importantly of all, on March 13, 2012, history was made when Liz Simons (that’s me) launched the legendary (in her mind) blog The DVR Files!

Over the years I’ve tackled the subjects that no other journalist will touch:

What can I say? I’m a regular old Nellie Bly.

So happy birthday to The DVR Files! I will accept gifts on its behalf!

 

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Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12!

These days you can have a famous parent and 100+ followers on Instagram and call yourself a supermodel.

GigiKendall

I’m talking to you Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner.

In my day, you actually had to be discovered at McDonald’s (Gisele), at the airport (Kate Moss), or in the local paper (Cindy Crawford).

And if you were the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12, you were discovered riding a horse in Miami.

Yes, I am talking about Christy Turlington!

ChristyTurlington

Christy was one of the great supermodels of the ’90s along with Naomi, Linda, and Cindy. And she was not one to rely on her beauty – in 1994 she entered New York University and graduated with a Bachelors in 1999. She continued her education at Columbia where she sought a Masters in Public Health. She married Ed Burns in 2003 and they have two children together. I’ve had friends spot them at church in New York which warms my heart.

Still striking at 48, Turlington has long been an activist for humanitarian causes, working with CARE and founding Every Mother Counts in 2011.

And while I am super impressed by her good deeds, I will admit as a shallow person I love her most for her appearance in George Michael’s famous 1990 video for his hit song “Freedom!” Yes I said it.

So congratulations, Christy, for being the Hot Catholic of Lent: Day 12!

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