Category Archives: Uncategorized

My brother Andrew Kelley Simons and I were talking on the phone last night as siblings who live in different states often do (but not enough, because he never calls), and he pointed out that my brilliant blog The DVR … Continue reading →

Here is something adorable. And here is something even MORE adorable. You are an awful, cruel, heartless human being if you don’t think Valerie Bertinelli is the cutest TV actress ever. From One Day at a Time to I Was a Mail Order … Continue reading →

I called it. Back in 2009 when Kanye crashed Taylor Swift’s speech at the VMAs, I said this was the best thing that could have happened to her and everyone would be “poor Taylor!” and go out and buy her … Continue reading →

All right–y’all know how I feel about LeAnn Rimes. I think she’s just a narcissistic snake and I’m no fan of her hubby Eddie Cibrian who left his wife and two kids to knock boots with Ms. Rimes. That said–Eddie’s … Continue reading →

Hey bitches! Guess who’s back? Jennifer Grey’s nose? The dance trend the Macarena? Kim Kardashian’s dignity? Nope, the master of all useless knowledge known as ME is back. Cable and Internet came back Friday night and I have just been … Continue reading →

Call me Job because God is REALLY testing me by shutting down my cable and Internet for a whole week. First world problems? You betcha! But still . . . it has been TORTURE missing all my shows this week! … Continue reading →

Another day, another dollar less going towards my cable bill as my Internet, phone, and DVR are still down. The horror, the horror! But honestly–I would give it up ALL up for a whole other week if we could bring … Continue reading →

I know you are all sitting brokenhearted at home just waiting for the next update from The DVR Files. “Liz,” you are moaning, “Come back to us!” I am SO sorry for your broken heart. And I’m even sorrier for … Continue reading →

Hey kidz– As many of you know it’s been really crazy in New York City this week. I was fortunate enough to be largely unaffected by Hurricane Sandy. My power stayed on, I caught up on all my shows, I … Continue reading →

One of the greatest tragedies of the world, besides suspending the production of OK Soda, is that I am not a rock star. The fact that I have zero musical talent is neither here nor there. And trust me, I … Continue reading →