I know you are all sitting brokenhearted at home just waiting for the next update from The DVR Files. “Liz,” you are moaning, “Come back to us!”
I am SO sorry for your broken heart. And I’m even sorrier for mine: my cable and Internet have been knocked out since Thursday! That means no Walking Dead, no Amazing Race, no American Horror Story! Poor me.
And tonight I am going to have to go to a BAR to watch the results of the election. A bar! After all I drank last week, I don’t know if I should ever set foot in one again!
Oh well, life goes on. And I of course mean all of this in jest as I know people suffered far worse setbacks than I.
Your patriotic pal–