Hey bitches! Guess who’s back? Jennifer Grey’s nose? The dance trend the Macarena? Kim Kardashian’s dignity?
Nope, still gone.
Nope, the master of all useless knowledge known as ME is back. Cable and Internet came back Friday night and I have just been soaking in the airwaves. You were right Belinda Carlisle, heaven is indeed a place on Earth.
All weekend I basked in the glory of my DVR and On Demand and this morning I decided to get back to business, which for me is visiting people.com as all intellectual adults do. And guess what was a big piece of news this weekend? Well, besides Petreaus having an affair with a woman who wrote a book about him called All In (writes itself).
Jessica Biel went to a bakery!
I always dress up while buying truffles. Although, let’s be honest. Truffles are too expensive for me. I’m a Whitman Sampler kind of girl.
See, apparently Jessica was meeting some friends post-wedding at this cute little cafe called Little Cupcakes Bakeshop and she tried to order a banana treat but they were out! So she had to compromise and get a cookie. Rough, I know.
Apparently Jessica wasn’t even a diva about it (though according to one observer she was “really bummed.”) and was friendly to the staff. Yeah for nice celebrities!
But honestly–who the HELL calls People Magazine to tell them a famous person is eating a cupcake (or in Jessica’s case, TRYING to eat a cupcake)? I once saw Dina Lohan in person and you never saw me all over Twitter bragging about it. Leave famous people alone!
All right, have to get ready for work. So happy to be back!
The DVR Files 
I went trick-or-treating alongside the Chelsea Mercantile’s most famous latch-key thetan the other day, and I didn’t even take a picture, never mind alert US Weekly.
Then again, I’m a regular person, not Jessica Bielberlake’s PR rep, who, I am sure, tipped off the press that she was buying a cupcake like a normal person, instead of laughing at video footage of the homeless at her wedding.
I saw her too once over the summer. I almost died. I heard her talking on the phone to her daddy and I thought I’ve never been this close to Tom Cruise! But I decided not to write about it (till now!) because the girl/thetan deserves to live in peace, hehe.