Lindsay Lohan, the talented legging designer, Sevin Nyne spray tan founder, and all around adequite human being, was arrested for assault this morning after punching a woman at a douchebag-filled club (I assume) in the Meatpacking District in Manhattan.
Lindsay often sees double now.
I wonder if her mugshot will top this one!
Orange is her color!
Lindsay is like the Mogwai version of a celebrity. Maybe we can feed her after midnight, but we certainly can’t give her any drinks or get her wet!
Confesh: I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars. I mean, honestly, why bother. I see bigger stars in my office building and in the neighborhood where I work. To wit, I have seen him:
You can take a picture of me you noted fashion photographer you!
And her:
Long Island’s Mother of the Year
And finally him:
Reality doesn’t bite for Ethan Hawke, but he still could use a shave.
But Jesus F—ing Christ, you turn on Dancing With The Stars and you see people who might have bagged your groceries one time.
I am by no means a snob when it comes to reality TV–I mean, I am Facebook friends with Simon Barney, who is the EX-husband of one of the Real Ho’wives of Orange County–but even I have to scratch my friend when I found who won last night’s finale of Dancing. Spoiler alert ahead.
I’d be smiling too if I deceived the world that I was a star!
Now, I will admit that I know she was on The Bachelor. I know she was even picked in the final rose ceremony, but then Jason Mesnick later on dumped her on tv and picked some other bitch to marry. I know this not even because I watch The Bach but because I read about it everywhere. But home girl wasn’t even picked to be The Bachelorette! Does she really qualify as a star then, even by reality tv standards?
GodDAMN it’s not a good week for minor celebrities from the early to mid ’90s.
Whoever thought Gay Matt would be the most likely to succeed Melrose Place class of 1992???
First we find out that Puck is going to jail for stalking (oh boy), and now we learn that Amy Locane-Bovenizer, known simply as Amy Locane when I knew her as the star of Cry-Baby, the first season of Melrose Place (alongside the Vanessa “A.” Williams), and the wannabe Dead Poets Society called School Ties (Oh Captain my captain you were such a lame movie), is facing five to ten years in the slammer for vehicular homicide after the SUV she was driving (while her blood alcohol level was three times over the legal limit) hit another car and killed a 60-year-old woman and severely injured her husband. Damn, that’s bad.
And ugh, I’m a terrible person for making a snarky headline. Eek. But seriously, no one wins here. One man lost his wife, and Locane’s two children will lose their mother while she’s in prison.
Now I have to look at pictures of kitty cats to make me feel better.
Oh Real World. I loved you so much in the early to mid ’90s. I can still name every cast member of the first season (Kevin, Julie, Heather B, Andre, Eric, Norman, and Becky who slept with one of the producers). I can tell you the name of Glenn from the second season’s band (Perch). I am still angry I was not invited to Irene’s wedding to her cop husband who it took her two months of dating to bang. I wonder if Jon is still a virgin (probably).
We started being polite and stopped being real by all wearing the same outfit.
Today The Real World is a bunch of crazy ass fame whores, but back in the day it was a really interesting social experience. Granted, the casts of the first few seasons were probably fame whores too, but there was no TMZ in that day so the best they could hope for was, way, hosting The Grind.
I feel the vibrations Eric Nies.
Perhaps the most polarizing figure in those early years was The Real World: San Francisco’s (3rd season) Puck Rainey. Puck, if you can remember, tormented the house, blew snot rockets, and famously feuded with cast-mate and AIDS activist Pedro Zamora (who ultimately passed away due to the disease shortly after the season wrapped filming).
So edgy!
I chalked up much of Puck’s behavior to youthful shenanigans and playing it up for the camera. I figured by now he’s grown up a bit. Or at least I hoped so. But nope, Puck is still a bit of an a–hole! See, just the other day he began a jail sentence for stalking.
Looks like he graduated from picking his nose and then eating peanut butter. Good work friend!
As we know because I have not stopped talking about it, Sunday night was the most important night in television, the world premiere if Liz & Dick on Lifetime .
BESIDES Tristan & Ryan’s Wedding, of course.
It was an evening of great acting, fabulous quotes (slut on a hot tin roof, anyone?), and me getting really really drunk as the drinking game that I partook in with my friend LJ was that we had to drink every time they were drinking onscreen, which was the entire two hours.
I’d drink if my hair looked that good!
Now, in a movie of genius moments, it’s hard to choose one that defines it. But I’ll go ahead and do it, because I am a pioneer. The scene that will go down in the books for Liz & Dick is when Dick Burton told Lindsay/Liz that she had pudgy digits. Oh, burn! Pudgy digits is now my insult of choice. You want to eat my ice cream? Sure, go ahead, use those pudgy digits to pick up a spoon. You think we should watch Two and a Half Men? Sure, you can switch the channel with those pudgy digits. You get the picture.
It got me thinking of other iconic moments in tv and film that I always reference. Let’s talk about them. But first, I need to hang up my clothes. I better not use any wire hangers!
Wow, putting away my clothes made me so exhausted that I need a drink! But where are my babies???
Okay, found them. It’s like I’m walking on sunshine!
Christmas is just one month away and I want presents. Lots and lots of presents!
I already have a TV, a DVD player, a DVR, and an Iphone, so what more could I possibly need? Oh that’s rice, a 1980s Fisher-Price Tape Recorder.
My sister actually received this for her sixth birthday in 198- and we made a great many tape recordings on it. It’s also where I listened to Lionel Richie’s Dancing on the Feeling 582 times a DAY. Plus it is SO indestructible. You didn’t need to buy no $50 case to keep it safe!
Sometimes I wish I was rich. Oh how much fun would it be! I could take cabs wherever I wanted, I could buy brand name dental floss, and I could go to concerts all the time! And if I missed the show? I’d just invite the band to my favorite burger joint The Peach Pit!
I Wanna Sex all of you up! Not!
That’s why I am SO jealous of people who lived in Beverly Hills, 90210, in 1992. See, back then, Color Me Badd were playing locally. But the gang couldn’t score tickets to the show, so David Silver found out what hotel they were staying at. While hunting for them, Donna discovered that her mother was having an affair. I guess she didn’t adore su amor, her husband!
Anyway, then Kelly somehow befriended the band and invited them to the Pit, where they serenaded Donna. Now–truth be told I was not a huge Color Me Badd fan–I prefer bands who know how to spell, like Another Bad Creation–but even I was impressed by the huge pull Kelly has! Damn girl, you a hustler!
So what was YOUR favorite musical moment on Bev 90210?
The DVR Files 