What We Learned From the Emmys, Part 1

Well, won’t you be shocked to know that despite being gifted with extraordinary taste and timeless beauty, my Emmy predictions were slightly OFF last night.

It's okay, you can cry.

It’s okay, you can cry.

Don’t you fret-we won’t review ALL of them. I have too many other brilliant things to do today, like balance my checkbook and post pithy sentences to Twitter.

So here we go.

Angela Chase Claire Danes picked up her second consecutive Emmy for her role as Carrie Mathison on Homeland.

None too pleased.

None too pleased.

I don’t even watch Scandal but everyone knows that this was Kerry Washington’s award to win. Scandal, after all, is pretty much the only broadcast network drama that gets any love and respect from the cable-watching elite. Next year maybe?

Jeff Daniels beat out Bryan Cranston for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama

Tread lightly, Jeff.

Tread lightly, Jeff.

Really, Academy? REALLY??? Don’t get me wrong. I think Jeff Daniels is a terrific actor. But, ugh, The Newsroom is insufferable. I caught a few episodes of the first season and just couldn’t get over how smug it is. I couldn’t even hate watch it (and this is someone who has seen every episode of Girls.).

Maybe this Emmy is a consolation prize for Jeff not winning a People’s Choice Award for his performance in Arachnophobia. Oh, who am I kidding. It should have been an Oscar,

Bobby Cannavale is an excellent psycho

He can drive ME to drink!

He LOOKS like a gentleman . . . 

Bobby won the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor a Drama among a field of amazing candidates. This was a tough category because everyone is off the charts good in their roles-Jonathan Banks and Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad, Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones, Carson in Downton Abbey, Inigo Montoya in Homeland (which I famously, according to me, don’t watch).

I didn’t end up finishing the third season of Boardwalk Empire, but I intend to go back because I’ve heard it was great. And it’s nice to see Bobby win-he’s one of those solid New York actors who’s in everything filmed in the city.

All right, stay tuned for more brilliant analysis later in the day!

 

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Emmy Predictions: The Final Stretch

All right let’s wrap this up pals!

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program

  • Who I Want to Win: Anthony Bourdain, The Taste
  • Who Will Win: Heidi Klum/Tim Gunn, Project Runway

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

  • Who I Want to Win: Two years ago I would have said The Amazing Race but I finally reached a point where I am bored by this show.
  • Who Will Win: The Amazing Race

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Portlandia
  • Who Will Win: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Outstanding Directing for a Variety Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Portlandia
  • Who Will Win: Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Variety Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
  • Who Will Win: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I think we get the picture.

Granted, there are other categories, but eh, no one cares!

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Emmy Predictions: The Rest of Them

Hey kidz-don’t mean to break your hearts but the Emmys have begun so let’s just plow through these the way that Blanche would plow through a football team celebrating at the Rusty Anchor on a Friday night.

Blanche Devereaux, my role model

Blanche Devereaux, my idol.

We’ll talk later. Smooches!

And sorry to break your hearts, but I don’t have time to write out all the nominees. You can find them here.

Buckle up! We’re going for a fast ride.

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Louie
  • Who Will Win: The Office

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Louie
  • Who Will Win: Modern Family

Outstanding Comedy Series

  • Who I Want to Win: Louie or 30 Rock
  • Who Will Win: Modern Family

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries/Movie (Damn all of them are good!)

  • Who I Want to Win: Elisabeth Moss in Top of the Lake (you MUST watch this!!!)
  • Who Will Win: Sigourney Weaver in Political Animals

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries/Movie

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries/Movie

  • Who I Want to Win: Alfre Woodward in Steel Magnolias (Didn’t see it, but it was on LIFETIME!)
  • Who Will Win: Ellen Burstyn in Political Animals? I have no idea.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries/Movie

  • Who I Want to Win: Rob Lowe in Behind the Candelabra. But he wasn’t nominated. Booooo.
  • Robbed!

    Robbed!

  • Who Will Win: James Cromwell in American Horror Story: Asylum

Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie, For a Dramatic Special

  • Who I Want to Win: Top of the Lake
  • Who Will Win: Behind the Candelabra

Outstanding Directing for a Miniseries, Movie, For a Dramatic Special

  • Who I Want to Win: Top of the Lake
  • Who Will Win: Behind the Candelabra

Outstanding Miniseries or Movie

  • Who I Want to Win: Top of the Lake
  • Who Will Win: Behind the Candelabra

(Gee. Anyone sense a trend with my picks for miniseries/movie??? WATCH Top of the Lake!!!)

Outstanding Choreography (This is a thing? Huh. Okay, I’ll humor you.)

  • Who I Want to Win: Dirty Dancing (not nominated because it’s a movie from 1987)
  • Who Will Win: Dancing With the Stars

All right peace out for now. Will finish shortly!!!

 

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Emmy Predictions: Outstanding Supporting in a Comedy Series

We are running out of time so this will be quick!

The noms for Supporting Actor in a Comedy, or as I like to call it, the male cast of Modern Family, are . . .

  • Adam Driver as Adam Sackler, Girls
  • Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett in Modern Family
  • Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy in Modern Family
  • Ed O’Neill as Jay Pritchett in Modern Family
  • Tony Hale as Gary Walsh, Veep
  • Bill Hader as various characters in Saturday Night Live

WAIT A MINUTE! Where is Cameron???

He's confused too.

He’s confused too.

Do you think they snubbed him because he’s gay?

Ugh. No time to dawdle. Again, very strong nominees. Except, really, Adam Driver over Schmidt in New Girl? Granted, Adam is one of only two tolerable characters on Girls (the other being Hannah’s gay ex-boyfriend Elijah played by Andrew Rannells), but he’s just goddamn weird and quirky that it almost channels Johnny Depp: he’s weird for weirdness’ sake.

Though he was a Marine in real life so that's hot.

Though he was a Marine in real life so that’s hot.

I enjoy Tony Hale in Veep but everyone knows that this would really be a consolation prize for his work as Buster in Arrested Development. And honestly, I don’t want anyone from Modern Family to win out of principle, though I do love Ed O’Neill. This upcoming season of SNL will be Hader’s last, so I imagine he’ll get the Emmy next year.

Verdict:

Who I Want to Win: Ed O’Neill (why the hell not)

Who Will Win: Ty Burrell

 

 

 

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Emmy Predictions: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

First of all, let’s hope THIS doesn’t happen again this year.

Well she would know.

Not an optical illusion.

It was absolutely SO horrible when Sofia Vergara’s dress ripped apart at the Emmys last year, so horrifying that home girl tweeted it to the world. Priorities people.

So let’s visit the nominees for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series:

    • Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
    • Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy in Modern Family
    • Merritt Wever as Zoey Barkow in Nurse Jackie
    • Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester, Glee
    • Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
    • Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler, The Big Bang Theory

Again, a cast of strong women. Woohoo! Jane’s been nominated for years but never has won. Hmmmm, maybe it’s time now that 30 Rock is done?

She'd be one step closer to an EGOT.

She’d be one step closer to an EGOT.

I haven’t watched Nurse Jackie, but Merritt Wever is great as Schmidt’s current love interest Elizabeth on New Girl.

Jane Lynch won in 2010 and honestly, as much as I love Modern Family, I want some new blood! Mayim Bialik deserves one award only, and that’s a belated Oscar for her performance as CC Bloom in Beaches.

 

Verdict, because we are running out of time!

Who I Want to Win: Jane Krakowski

Who Will Win: Jane Krakowski

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Emmy Predictions: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Less than a hour to go till the Emmys and I have about a dozen predictions left to make. Must be a new record for blog posting!

That's me!

That’s me!

 

So let’s go REAL fast homies.

Next up: Funny Men. I present to you the nominees for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series.

  • Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
  • Matt LeBlanc as Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
  • Louis C.K. as Louie, Louie
  • Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth, Arrested Development
  • Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan in House of Lies
  • Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory

Wow, how interesting that three of them men are nominated for playing themselves! What a stretch! Matt plays Matt, Louis plays Louie, and Alec Baldwin plays an arrogant blowhard. Good work all!

Clearly Alec is not better off dead. Ha!

Clearly Alec is not better off dead. Ha!

Truth be told, it’s an interesting group. I only watch two of the shows, 30 Rock and Louie, so I am a bit biased. As much as Alec Baldwin annoys me in his personal life, he is brilliant as Jack Donaghy. He plays a lovable prick to perfection!

Matt LeBlanc will always be Joey to me, so even when he plays himself I’ll give him the side eye. Plus I don’t get Showtime. Woe is me. But I’ve heard good things about Episodes.

Shockingly, one bandwagon I have NOT jumped on is Arrested Development. When the show originally aired nearly a decade ago, I refused to watch it out of spite because a very unlikable roommate of mine worshiped the show. So when the latest season was released on Netflix in May, I gave it a shot. I just could not get into it. Sorry Jason Bateman.

You'll always have Teen Wold Too.

You’ll always have Teen Wolf Too.

Cheadles, as we know, should have won twenty years ago for his stellar performance as Roland Wilson in The Golden Palace.

I'd check into a hotel where Cheadle is working, especially in Miami, which is so nice that I'll say it thrice!

I’d check into a hotel where Cheadle is working, especially in Miami, which is so nice that I’ll say it thrice!

I FINALLY watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory this year when I was home visiting my parents, and I admit I’m totally elitist against broadcast network shows. Plus Jim Parsons already won in 2010 and 2011.

So then there was one. Sounds like an Agatha Christie novel. Louis C.K.’s subtle performance as, ahem, himself is so nuanced and interesting and thoroughly enjoyable, even when the show is not enjoyable. He puts us with him in uncomfortable moments (like when he was forced to go down on Melissa Leo) and we feel for him when he’s rejected as host of a late night show. The show is not always laugh out loud funny–it’s more thoughtful and honest. I urge you to give it a try if you haven’t watched it yet, though the new season won’t begin till next year. Boooooo.

The verdict:

Who I Want to Win: Louis C.K.

Who Will Win: Alec Baldwin. And if he loses at least he’ll have some excellent angry tweets!

 

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Emmy Predictions: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

The Emmys are in just a few hours and I am off to play kickball so this will be a cray cray afternoon. Oh, the challenges of living in the first world!

I'm with you Dawson. That happened to me in 1997 when I bough Sugar Ray's Floored because I liked the song "Fly." Live and learn my friend, live and learn.

I’m with you Dawson. That happened to me in 1997 when I bough Sugar Ray’s Floored because I liked the song “Fly.” Live and learn my friend, live and learn.

I feel bad because I’m basically going to cheat all the comedy categories of the deep analysis that is The DVR Files’ trademark. I am SO SORRY fans.

At any rate, no time to dawdle. I’ve got to run to kickball.

So here I will examine Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.

The noms:

  • Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
  • Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath, Girls
  • Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
  • Laura Dern as Amy, Enightened
  • Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton, Nurse Jackie
  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer, Veep

As a female comic, this category is very near and dear to me. All of these women are kick ass in their own ways (even you, Lena) and comedy is always under served in other award shows (I’m talking to you, Oscars).

Of the ladies nominated, Tina Fey, Edie Falco, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus have already won Emmys for these roles. Amy Poehler is quickly becoming the Susan Lucci of the Primetime Emmys–she’s been in the running for five years straight, and she’s yet to win for her role on Parks. Sigh.

But it’s going to be Tina’s year as 30 Rock closed out its seven season run in January. Godh, doesn’t seem like it’s been that long!

In conclusion:

Who I Want to Win: Tina Fey

Who Will Win: Tina Fey

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A Social Etiquette Guide For the Emmys and Breaking Bad

Yes, you have permission to laugh at the fact that am writing a social etiquette guide.

Even cartoon animals think it's hilarious!

Even cartoon animals think it’s hilarious!

But tomorrow night will be perhaps one of the most stressful nights of TV to watch in the history of the world.

See, the Emmys begin at 8p. The penultimate episode of Breaking Bad starts at 9p. What the F— am I going to do???

Jesse's scared too!

Jesse’s worried too!

Liz, you are thinking, um, the answer is obvious! In fact, it’s in the name of your blog! DVR Breaking Bad and then watch it after the Emmys!

Yes, my fans, that seems like the logical solution. After all, I want to see Bryan take home the Emmy for Best Actor.

HOWEVER, it presents a challenge in the world of social media. You see, I plan on live tweeting the Emmys (follow me at @thedvrfiles on Twitter!) and making occasional posts on Facebook. And here is the issue . . . if I’m watching Breaking Bad on a delay, I need to avoid Facebook and Twitter!

Now I understand what it’s like for people in California with their annoying and enthusiastic East Coast friends. Sorry!

I am SO fearful of spoilers. Even a, “Oh no she didn’t! #BreakingBad” will stress me out.

So, friends, comrades, here is my one and only rule. DO NOT TALK ABOUT BREAKING BAD on your Facebook wall or Twitter till 1a, EST. (Facebook groups especially designed for BB discussions are fair game.) This gives our West Coast friends time to watch and digest the episode as well as anyone who plans on catching the Emmys. We need to stand together on this one or, I don’t know, I’ll send Todd for you.

He's meaner than he looks.

He’s meaner than he looks.

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Emmy Predictions: Outstanding Drama Series

The Emmys are TOMORROW and eek I have a lot of predicting to do for my die hard fans. I know you have been waiting with baited breath so here you go.

Today we discuss the Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series.

The nominees:

  • Breaking Bad
  • Downton Abbey
  • Game of Thrones
  • Homeland
  • House of Cards
  • Mad Men

Do I really need to bother? I mean, you know who I want to win . . . .

oompa loompas

In better times.

That said, all the nominees are pretty strong. Downton Abbey saw some key people die (always worthy of an Emmy) and reaffirmed my Irishness with sexy Tom Branson.

If you need any help raising I'm available!

If you need any help raising Sybbie I’m available!

Game of Thrones was off the hook with the Red Wedding and other dramatic plot lines that I forget because it’s been a few months since the season ended.

Call me if you ever need a hand, Jaime Lannister.

Call me if you ever need a hand, Jaime Lannister.

Homeland had its day in the sun last year. Mad Men had its years in the sun before that. And more people have to watch House of Cards (including me) before it becomes a major competitor.

So that brings us to my beloved Breaking Bad. Last season’s cat and mouse chase finally culminated on the toilet, setting off a harrowing chain of events that has lead to the current and final season’s emotional and draining episodes.

A very dad thing to do!

Hank is clearly channeling my dad here.

There are only two more episodes left of Breaking Bad, so even though they will be eligible for Emmys next year, it feels like they are owed–deservedly–for the first half of season five that ran a year ago.

The verdict:

Who I Want to Win: Breaking Bad

Who Will Win: Breaking Bad. I have faith in the Academy.

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Argh matey!

Argggghhhhh! Guess who forgot to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday?

I bet this girl lost her virginity at a late age! Arrrgggghhhh, shiver me tits!

Shiver me timbers!

That’s right. THIS girl! You might as well make me walk the plank!

You know who DIDN’T forget to celebrate the greatest day ever?

Miss Violet Affleck.

Swoon!

I bet one of those eyes is fake, hence the patch.

As if I needed another reason to love my favorite celebrity kid!

We shouldn’t be shocked by Violet’s affinity for the nautical lifestyle. After all, her father starred as C.T. Granville on The Voyage of the Mimi.

 

 

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