Monthly Archives: January 2013

If I Am Going to Be a Beautiful Flower, I Better Not Be Put in a Window Sill of an Apartment in New York City

Every time I need to buy a loaf of break, a container of milk, and a stick of butter, I also want to pick up a nice beautiful flower. But why bother? Why trap such a lovely living creature in … Continue reading

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Did Lance Dope? Oprah Will Tell Us!

Today everyone’s (former) favorite one-nut bicyclist Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah will air on CBS News. Apparently he is going to admit to the crazy ass doping scandal that he partook in that stripped him of his record seven Tour … Continue reading

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I Want Easter Candy NOW!

It might only be January, but wouldn’t it be so nice if you could eat a Cadbury Creme Egg STAT? Oh wait, look what I found at my local drugstore . . . . Resolutions be damned, we are Americans, … Continue reading

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Olivia Wilde Must Have Gotten Better at Sexting!

Well that was quick. Just months after Olivia Wilde announced that her vagina had died, it’s alive again. That’s right, home girl is engaged to Jason Sudeikis. Olivia clearly likes marriage. Just 28, she is apparently on the Elizabeth Taylor/Jennifer … Continue reading

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Jodie Foster Has Always Been a Freak!

Last night at the Golden Globes Jodie Foster won some big lifetime award and she gave a rambling speech where apparently she came out as a lesbian. I’m not shocked that she likes the ladies–nobody is–but she made zero sense … Continue reading

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Sofia Vergara is the Most Self Aware Person in the History of the World

Oh this is too rich. Sofia Vergara, one of the most modest people on the planet (next to Kim Kardashian of course), explains to People Mag on the eve of the Golden Globes that you can’t control wardrobe malfunctions. While … Continue reading

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Girls, You’ll be (Whiny, Annoying, Entitled) Women Soon

Ugh, it’s BACK. Ugh ugh ugh. My favorite show to hate watch returns this weekend. Yes, I’m talking about Girls. It breaks my heart to admit that I’ll watch (that is, when I’m not busy devouring my free Showtime). I … Continue reading

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Yes, There IS a God, and He Gave Me Free Showtime for the Weekend. Yippie Skippie!

Hey kidz, hate to break your heart, but you won’t be seeing me for the next 72 hours. I will be locked in my apartment watching Showtime ALL F—ING WEEKEND! Just when I was starting to debate the existence of … Continue reading

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Ryan Reynolds May Be 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, But He Still Wears a Coat!

In the latest edition of “And Not a Single F— was Given,” People Magazine announced that Ryan Reynolds and his semi-child bride Blake Lively wore coats on a date night in New York City. Stars, they’re just like us! They sometime have to … Continue reading

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I Can’t Believe I Am An Adult and I DON’T Have a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed

Don’t get me wrong. I had an AWESOME Christmas. I received a Key Foods gift card (New York City’s version of the Market Basket, though still way more expenisve), deodorant, a sweater, and man more great things. But the one … Continue reading

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