Beyonce Cut Her Hair, and the World Shook

No, Moses did not part the Red Sea AGAIN. That earthquake heard ’round the world was the Earth’s reaction to the biggest news in the history of mankind. Beyonce cut her hair.


The 11th Commandment is “Thou shall worship at the alter of Queen B.”

This is groundbreaking because no one residing on this planet has ever cut their hair before. But we all know Beyonce is one to break barriers. She rides a bike. She has a baby. She sings. All things that have never been attempted ever before by anyone.

I can die now.

A true American hero.

This hair thing has truly shaken the Earth to its core. Be’s stylist Kim Kimble explains to People Magazine:

 I got a little teary eyed! I’ve been working for her so long, she has this beautiful long hair and it’s hard to grow hair out. I feel like it’s my hair, I work so much with her. I feel a little emotional but excited for her too.

It gets better.

And despite many commenters speculating Beyoncé just removed her weave or extensions, Kimble says, “She had great, thick long hair, which she cut off because she’s ready to make a statement. It’s a great [one] to make: I’m beautiful, sexy, bold and I can do it all. She’s the perfect model for that: A working woman, mom, superstar, businesswoman. She’s powerful in herself.”

Jesus F—ing Christ. I’m going to put the sarcasm down a moment and put this sh– in perspective. Home girl cut her hair. Hair grows back. She did not amputate a leg or cure cancer or give birth to septuplets (Heck, did she even give birth to Blue Ivy?). She f—ing cut her hair. This does not make her a model for working women. Okay?

I wonder what kind of history Beyonce will make tomorrow. Maybe she’ll go food shopping? The world eagerly waits.

This entry was posted in And Not a Single F--- Was Given and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Beyonce Cut Her Hair, and the World Shook

  1. Pingback: This Will Boost Your Self Esteem! | The DVR Files

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