Confession: I am flat-chested. What, TMI??? Oops, too bad! It’s not like you can’t tell by looking at me! Heck, even the most miraculous push-up bra only ups me to a lower-case a cup.

This is not me, in case you are wondering. Just trying to get more straight men and lipstick lesbians to read my blog.

So while I spend nights chanting I must, I must, I must increase my bust, my cleavage sitch remains minimal. Bummer.

Imagine, however, if you had the opposite problem. Imagine if you woke up one day and all of a sudden your beautiful Double DDs were now little nubs smaller than the nipple on a baby’s bottle? What would you do? What would your BOYFRIEND do?

This doomsday situation is explored in Ghost Tits, the latest video from future huge stars and all around hilarious people Paul W. Downs and Lucia Aniello, also known as Paulilu. Set up as a preview for a fictional horror movie called, appropriately, Ghost Tits, Downs stars as a man whose girlfriend, played by The Newsroom hottie Olivia Munn, wakes up one morning without her tits! What kind of supernatural forces are at work here? L. Ron Hubbard, maybe???

And while this is not on TV (yet!) and you’re probably all Liz, this is The DVR Files, not the Computer Files, I can ASSURE you that Paul and Lucia will be working their magic soon on a boob tube near you! How can I be so sure? Well . . . not to namedrop . . . BUT I discovered Paul way back in the day when we were in a college class together where we had to watch the movie Carrie. (It was a cultural anthropology class, don’t act shocked). Paul and I sat next to each other, and he would open up his eyes really wide, Carrie-style, and while our prom was not destroyed it always made me giggle and I’d be all, do it again, Paul! And now look at him. He’s a star!

Ghost Tits was co-written by Paul W. and Lucia, directed by Lucia, shot by Chris Westlund and John Heeg, and edited by my hometown hero Rob Paglia, who hails from the Merrimack Valley of Massachusetts just like me! We even worked at the same yuppie day camp for many years, and he is BFFs with my brother Andrew and has spent Christmas at our house. How do you like dem apples?

For more awesome videos by Paulilu, check into the digital channel Above Average Productions. A new sketch will be posted every Tuesday!

All right, now I have to stuff my bra. Adios!