Originally this post was going to be about Ethan Hawke and other great things from the ’90s that I wish they’d bring back like Hypercolor shirts, the Spin Doctors, and Z Cavaricci pants.

Slater knew the score.

While conducting my extensive research on the biography of Mr. Hawke (ie his wikipedia page), I saw that he was in the 1998 film The Newton Boys directed by Richard Linklater (the Scorcese to Hawke’s DiCaprio). I remember WANTING to see that movie because, hello, Ethan Hawke, but for some reason I skipped it. I was going through a thankfully very brief Ally McBeal phase at the time, so maybe I was busy watching pseudo feminist TV set in a law firm featuring a unisex bathroom?

Yeah, you knew I had to do it.

Who the f— knows. All I know is, I didn’t see The Newton Boys. Which gets me sad, because in addition to Ethan Hawke, the movie also starred Matthew McConaughey (I can never remember how the hell to spell his last name, and I was a spelling bee champ), Vincent D’Onofrio, and Skeet Ulrich. Yes, SKEET ULRICH. Where the f— is Skeet Ulrich?

So hot I could scream.

In the late ’90s, Skeet was like a young Johnny Depp, when Johnny Depp looked like this.

He’s clearly been a wino forever, but not here!

Skeet starred in a bunch of movies that girls like me LOVED: The Craft, Scream, and As Good As It Gets (your mom liked that one too). He was shown the money in 1999 when he starred in Chill Factor with Cuba Gooding, Jr. (See what I did there? I’m a genius!) And since then . . . crickets. Sure, Skeet has worked. He’s done a smattering of movies as well as a couple of seasons of cult hit Jericho from 2006 to 2008, but nothing that quite fulfilled his destiny as a huge star.

I’m hopeful though–his next project is a film called Lost in Austin which costars Craig Robinson, Linda Cardellini, and Kristen Schaal, among others. Not huge stars, per se, but comic actors who churn out steady good world. So I will believe! Hey, it worked for Ethan Hawke.