If you are one of the chosen few to be my Facebook friend, you know that I’m SUPER into free speech these days.

“What do you want for breakfast?” you might ask me.

“Bananas and cement,” I might reply.

“Uh, you can’t eat that for breakfast,” you might reply back. “Why would you say that?”

“I can say whatever I want because FREE SPEECH.”

A real freedom fighter, I am!

In fact, I’m so into free speech that I’m denouncing my Catholic faith and shouting from the rooftops, GOD IS MEAN!

This God looks more sexy than mean, but you catch my drift.

How did I become such an apostate? EASY. God made me forget that the two greatest bands in the history of the world were playing at the Boulton Center in Long Island last week.

No, I’m not talking about the Jets.

I am talking about, you guessed it, Rockapella. Duh.

Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego???

It gets worse.

I’m also talking about NELSON.

I want to stuff my pillows with their hair.

Yes, I missed seeing these two seminal bands perform on Long Island last week. My favorite radio station, WFUV, even announced them over the airwaves. I wrote down in my notebook that they were going to be playing at the Boulton Center in Bay Shore, Nelson on Thursday and Rockapella following two days later on Saturday.

But did I get to scream “Do It Rockapella!” over the weekend? Nope. Because I forgot about the concerts. And that is God’s fault. Hence, God is mean.

To be fair, I doubt Rockapella were going to delve deep into their Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego catalog. Actually, I don’t even think there IS a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego catalog. And twin bros/studs Matthew and Gunnar Nelson probably didn’t even play “After the Rain” as they were focusing on their late father Ricky’s music instead. But STILL. God is mean. Yeah, I said it. Freedom of speech, y’all!

I’ll leave you with Nelson’s number 1 hit “Love and Affection” because God may be mean mean but I’m wicked nice.