Watch your back Gloria Steinem.

A new fierce feminist is on the loose, and she’s telling us Single Ladies–and ALL ladies–that we should put a ring on it, but we should buy it ourselves with our own paychecks.

WORK!

Yup, that’s right, Beyonce is adding another notch to her professional bedpost. Brilliant feminist writer. Yes, you have permission to laugh and laugh and laugh. I just did!

Let me back up a sec, because it’s early and you might not have had any coffee yet. This morning on People.com I read that, wait for it, Beyonce penned an essay for the Shriver Report that women deserve equal paychecks to men. Okay, nice sentiment, I’ll give her that!

But if you expect me for even one second to believe that Beyonce actually wrote the following sentences then you also believe Liberace just never found the right woman.

Fabulous!

Here is a sampling of the golden prose from her essay titled “Gender Equality Is a Myth!”:

We need to stop buying into the myth about gender equality. It isn’t a reality yet . . . Today, women make up half of the U.S. workforce, but the average working woman earns only 77 percent of what the average working man makes. But unless women and men both say this is unacceptable, things will not change.

I just can’t. I really, really can’t. I’ve seen interviews with Beyonce (yeah, I’ll admit it). Home girl is not know for her deep thoughts or her full sentences. Do not try to tell me she wrote this.

But to make everyone feel better let’s watch her interview with Kid President. It’s presh, even though he sounds 100 times more intelligent.