Soooo . . . one thing I realized yesterday is if you post near naked pictures of Kim Kardashian on your blog, the people will come.

Or puppies, pervs.

So I figured, if Kim can get so much attention by posting selfies to the world. maybe I can try!

I’m doing it correctly, right?

Damn, I’m gorgeous. But let’s carry on.

Narcissism is kind of a cool thing because it allows people like Kim and Rihanna and Demi to share their beauty with the world. Heck, if it weren’t desperate self-validation, there world be no Courtney Stodden or LeAnn Rimes or Miley Cyrus! I don’t want to live in a world where they don’t exist!

So festive!

But then I listened to the words of a wise sage named Kid President, age 10. Home boy does not approve of selfie taking. He thinks instead we should do things like “donate to the homeless.” What, does he think I have a heart?

Now excuse me, I need to eat breakfast now. And no, I won’t be posting it to Instagram. But I assure you it will be DELICIOUS.