Stop Whining About Ben Affleck!

Yesterday it was announced that Ben Affleck would be the next Batman in the Man of Steel sequel.

Instead of cheers, I got a lot of this around the social media world.

esh esh esh

“I have a feeling I’m not in Wonderland anymore.”

Why all the Ben Affleck hate? When did it become the cool thing to piss on my favorite Bostonian bro? What did he do to YOU?

Though if you were Mitch in Dazed and Confused I could understand,

Though if you were Mitch in Dazed and Confused I could understand your bitterness.

So for all you naysayers, allow me to present to you my defense of US citizen Benjamin Géza Affleck-Boldt, honorary mayor of Fenway Park and captain emeritus of the Mimi. Here are his greatest creations in no particular order as they are all 100% awesome.

Jenny from the Block

Don't br foolf

He’s a member of the FBI . . . Female Body Inspectors.Oh yes I went there.

In 2002, Ben expertly played the role of kept man in the video for my favorite J. Lo song EVER, “Jenny From the Block.” You could call this a PSA of sort, as Casper Smart clearly studied it for his role as Lopez’s current piece.

Thanks Ben!

Thanks Ben!

Mallrats

Ben in Mall Rats, 1995: He has no respect for men with no shopping agendas.

He has no respect for men with no shopping agendas.

In 1995 Ben portrayed Shannon Hamilton, salesman at Fashionable Male in the best Kevin Smith movie of all time, Mallrats. He was kind of a douche, but he did appreciate the New Kids on the Block as every good Boston boy should.

Dazed and Confused

Want to feel old? Dazed and Confused turns 20 years old in September. Egad. But Ben does the role he does best in the early to mid ’90s, asshole prick, as he inhabits the character Fred O’Bannion, enemy to freshmen everywhere.

 

The Voyage of the Mimi

oh yes

Look at that smile!

Ben first starred as C.T. Granville in 1984 in the PBS educational series The Voyage of the Mimi, which every middle schooler in New England watched in science class through at least the mid ’90s. It was about life on a boat and it was SPECTACULAR. Ben uttered his famous line upon seeing a big old vat of peanut butter: “Holy chickens, that’s all peanut butter?” Is that great writing or what? Totally must have inspired his ear for dialogue that was so present in his Oscar-winning movie Good Will Hunting.

While the entire episode is fantastic, go to 4:20 in the clip below to hear the sentence that made 12-year-old me know that Ben was going to be a big star.

Violet Affleck

Dad's bodyguard.

Dad’s bodyguard.

Don’t get me wrong, I love ALL the Affleck kids equally. As a fellow middle child, Seraphina’s my girl. And baby Sam is sooooo cute! But Violet was the first and I just love her geeky ways! In a world where Kingston and Zuma Rossdale, ages 7 and 5 respectively, give me an inferiority complex because they are too cool, Violet is a refreshing breath of air. She may be 7, but I want to be her best friend anyway. I tip my Red Sox hat to Ben and wife Jennifer Garner for raising such a normal girl.

Good Will Hunting

Nice jacket!

Nice jacket!

I grew up in the suburbs of Boston and then spent five years after college in Somerville, Brookline and Cambridge and I assure that the Ben Affleck character Chuckie Sullivan DOES EXIST. He’s a wicked good friend to all–you want him on your side. Matt Damon/Will Hunting is very lucky.

Andrew Simons lookalike

Could he be in a boyband?

Could he be in a boyband?

This isn’t so much a creation as just a side effect of being Ben. In 1999 my brother Andrew was in high school and an athlete and could have doubled for Ben Affleck. Not so much anymore but hey, it’s all good!

So there you have it. Stop hating on Ben. He has a great track record and will make a fabulous Batman.

Just enjoy the rest of your Friday and dance to one of Ben’s aforementioned masterpieces.

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2 Responses to Stop Whining About Ben Affleck!

  1. Thank you for reminding me why I like Ben Affleck! However, I think he will make a terrible Batman. I mean, from CHRISTIAN BALE to Ben? Sorry. And I also worship Jenny from the Block.

  2. thedvrfiles says:

    I wonder if this will be like when Tom Cruise was cast as vampire Lestat. Anne Rice flipped her sh– and then came around. Haterz gonna hate.

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