I’ve finished drinking all my Sunny D and I’m STILL not refreshed. What the heck am I going to do? I want to have fun in the sun this weekend AND stay cool.

None of that purple stuff please.

My dad’s kind of cheap so he’s not going to buy me a Slip ‘n Slide for my backyard.

But wait . . . pools are on sale! In fact, you can get a GORGEOUS 24-foot above ground pool complete with a luxurious carpet and patio deck for only $59 a month! All I need to do is call 1-800-THE-POOL!

Oh, snap. I’ll also need to get a time machine because this commercial is from 1988. Life is so unfair! Just give me a f—ing Popsicle instead.