We all had that friend growing up that we would use for their toys. “Can we play with Shelly?” we’d beg Mom. “She’s really nice and she has a full set of Pillow People.”

Lucky bitch.

Shelly was especially useful during the summer. See, while your father made you run through THIS to cool down:

Looks more fun that it is.

Shelly’s parents loved her more and got her THIS:

When YOU decided you wanted more than a sprinkler, your dad smiled and bought you this bad boy:

Look, it’s got a slide!

When Shelly got bored, bitch got THIS:

Some kids have all the luck. And probably all the Wuzzle and Wild Puffalumps too.