I try not to get ever get jealous of people, because we all know the grass is always greener but that could just because they spray painted it.

But then I see the stills of Ben Affleck in his latest movie Argo and I’m all, I hate that bitch Jennifer Garner.*

Swarthiness works for him.

Now, of course Ben is a big movie star now (hello, Boiler Room, anyone?) but he got his start in television, which I am sure I would have DVR’ed if such a device existed back then. Let’s look at his evolution on the little and big screen, and question how the f— did he get so hot? Because truth be told, it wasn’t always obvious in the 1980s and early ’90s. Let’s explore.

“Holy chickens is that all peanut butter?”

1) Ben first starred as C.T. Granville in 1984 in the PBS educational series The Voyage of the Mimi, which every middle schooler in Massachusetts watched in 7th grade science class through at least the mid ’90s. It was about life on a boat and it was SPECTACULAR. Ben uttered his famous line upon seeing a big old vat of peanut butter: “Holy chickens is that all peanut butter?” Is that great writing or what?

Matt and Ben, where it all began!

2) Ben played pasty prep school student Chesty Smith in the 1992 dramz School Ties which starred Brendan Fraser as a Jew in the 1950s. To be honest, I don’t even REMEMBER Ben in this movie, but I do remember Matt Damon playing an anti-Semitic prick. We all thought this was going to be the Dead Poets Society of the ’90s, but it was kind of lame and there were no “Oh Captain my Captain” moments.

Look at that hair!

3) This is the movie where I fell in love with Ben Affleck even though I only knew at this point as the guy who played C.T. in Mimi. Anyway, we’re talking about Dazed and Confused, released in 1993, where he played asshole O’Bannion who enjoyed beating up freshmen. He wasn’t hot yet, but he was funny.

There were a bunch of other movies where he started to transition from eh, some cute guy you’d see at a football game, to someone completely bangworthy. For the sake of time (I have to shower before work!) I’ll cut that part short and just show a few jpegs:

Ben in Mall Rats, 1995: He has no respect for men with no shopping agendas.

Ben in Pearl Harbor, 2001: You’re too hot to get kamikazed!

Ben in The Town, 2010: Even as a bank robber, I’d let him violate me!

So there we have it! The Evolution of Ben Affleck, from nerdy kid to sexy babe!

*I don’t REALLY hate Jennifer Garner. She and Ben are actually one of my fave couples of all time and I’d chop off his nuts if he ever cheated on her, even if it was with me!