In the early 1990s I was suffering from an affliction called puberty, and it was not pretty.

Exhibit A

I found solace in things like George Clooney on the show Sisters, Ben Affleck in Voyage of the Mimi and of course Golden Girls. I DREAMED about being a widowed lady in Miami, slutting it up at the Rusty Anchor. No shuffleboard for me!

Blanche Devereaux, my role model

The early 1990s were such an awesome time because they made being old look like SO. MUCH. FUN. And perhaps no other movie encapsulated that than every red-blooded American manly man’s favorite flick, Fried Green Tomatoes.

I assume you got this DVD for your boyfriend for Xmas, that is if you are a considerate girlfriend!

(Okay, so it’s not a television show, but you KNOW Fried Green Tomatoes will be on basic cable soon enough so you can DVR the sh– out of it.)

Who else still has fantasies about some young hussy with a bad perm stealing your parking spot so you can crash into her car and explain, “Face it girls, I’m older and I have more insurance!” Kathy Bates–you are the reason why I put money in my FSA! Love you girl!