Women Who Should Not Cast Stones: The Atlanta Howives

Confesh: In addition to being beautiful, charming, and great at parties, I love trash TV on occasion. Yes, I’m down with Breaking BadThe Sopranos, Game of Thrones, blah blah blah (that’s what you write when you have to hurry to get to work. Journalism 101), but I also watch True ToriLindsay, and, yes, The Real Howives of Atlanta.

kenya-moore-video-3 gif

In addition, I’m a busy lady, so I just started watching the reunions last night. Oopsy daisy. Oh, and I’m single which is so shocking because hello LOOK AT ME. I’m gorgeous!

You can't handle the truth!

That’s how you take a selfie, right?

If any show is a reminder of how great it is to be single, it’s the Howives franchise. Off the top of my head I can think of 18,547 couples that have broken up on the show: Tamra and Simon, the Count and Countess, Vicki and that guy (Journalism 102: write “that guy” when you can’t remember the name of a man and you don’t feel like googling), Adrienne and Paul, blah blah blah. HOWEVER, the ladies of Atlanta ALWAYS remind my beloved Miss Kenya Moore that she is no one because she can’t get a man.

Exactly, Liz Lemon.

Exactly, Liz Lemon.

Phaedra and Porsha are the worst offenders, which is hilarious because, well, let’s examine their love lives.

Exhibit A

Behind bars

The above picture is what you get when you google image search “Apollo Nida mugshot.” Apollo is Phaedra’s ex-convict current husband, and probably soon to be current convict ex-husband. See, Nida spent six years in the slammer before marrying ATTORNEY Phaedra Parks, and now he faces a whopping 30 years in prison after pleading guilty to charges of mail, wire and bank fraud. Now, I’m not completely gleeful–he has two adorable sons with Phaedra and it’s terrible that they may grow up without a father–but there is quite a bit of what goes around, comes around here. I’m sure Kenya and any reasonable lady would much rather be single than tethered to this man. But you do you, Phaed.

Exhibit B

In happier days

In happier days

Above you will see Porsha with her ex-husband, former professional football player Kordell Stewart. The pair were married less than two years before Kordell filed for divorce. So clearly Porsha values the sanctity of marriage. And what’s worse is she’s been throwing shade on Kordell all season, subtly alluding that he is gay. It is so tacky and yes, homophobic, but do I expect more from a lady who believes the Underground Railroad just needed more trains? No, I don’t.

So every time you insult Kenya by saying she can’t get a man, just look in the mirror and think of the men you got. I think we know who has the better deal.

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