We live in such a great world where there is such a vast freedom of choice. You can get your fries at McDonald’s or Burger King. You can chew Hubba Bubba or Bubbilicious. You can read US Weekly or In Touch. Life is so cool!

But let’s be honest. All the cool kids were chewing Chiclets.

And perhaps the greatest example is cable television. There are about a billion channels to watch! You want sports? Flip on ESPN. You want ’90s washed up stars? VH1 is your guy. You want crazy ass conspiracy theories? I present to you History Channel. Wow. Something for everyone.

There is one newish network called the Cooking Channel and apparently they have this show called Tripping Out with Alie & Georgia. I have no idea if it is a good show because what do you think I am, a journalist? PLEASE. Like I do research. You’re lucky if I go to wikipedia.

I DID do a google image search. You’re welcome.

But that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, I DO go to people.com, and this morning when I visited the site Alie & Georgia offered some suggestions on “what to drink when you’re feeling clueless at a bar.” To be honest with you I didn’t quite understand the conundrum. To me being clueless at a bar is like asking should you drink water if you’re dying of thirst. Uh, yes.

Their expertise ranged from sports bars, dive bars, and fancy cocktail bars. They spent way too many sentences explaining what to drink at each place. I’ll save you time.

Sports bar: Bud Light if you’re cheap, a local micro-brew if you’re my dad.

Dive bar: See above.

Fancy cocktail bar: Who cares? Have someone else order you something and sneak out when it’s your time to buy a round because those drinks are upwards of $15 each! Who can afford that?

Now, where’s my show?