Today The DVR Files turns 2 years old. Wow, to think my brilliant wit and insightful gaze have been in print form for two whole years. All I can say is you, my faithful readers, are SO LUCKY.

But still you did not get as lucky as Pharrell’s Smokey Bear hat.

Since I have no wedding on the horizon and can’t throw myself a bridal shower (Booooo! I want presents!) I think you should buy me a birthday gift. And I don’t need to bother with a registry. Just get me a Playskool Lights Alive.

So bright!

Lights Alive was one of my absolute favorite toys in the 1980s. It was like a Lite-Brite for kids who couldn’t make the commitment to their illuminated, colorful art. If you didn’t like the heart or game of tic tac toe you were losing, you wiped that bitch clean!

If you are a cheap friend who doesn’t feel like going on Ebay to buy me the out of print Lights Alive, I’ll settle for a Magna Doodle. Okay thanks.