I take great shame pride in the fact that I sort of know what teens like. Well, Canadian teens, at least–I am addicted to Degrassi: The Next Generation and Drake will also be Jimmy Brooks to me, the boy who got shot.

Smile!

So today I was flipping through the ‘Net to see which TV shows were returning this week (exactly what the kids do, the olds flip through TV Guide) and on The Hollywood Reporter I saw that Teen Wolf was airing tonight at 10p on MTV.

YES, I thought. At last all the kids will understand what I am referencing when I will growl “Give me . . . a keg . . . of beer.”

Sure, Teen Wolf is a movie from 1985 starring Alex P. Keaton, aka Michael J. Fox, and the original Stiles. It’s not even a TV show!

Yes I AM looking at you Dicknose!

But still! I had hope, even if for just one fleeting moment.

But then I googled it for extra confirmation, and the first entry was not my beloved Teen Wolf, or heck even its cousin Teen Wolf Too.

Severely underrated.

It was some stupid TV show that premiered in 2011, featuring people that are way too good-looking.

I don’t see Boof.

There can’t be a Teen Wolf without Boof!

Here she is.

I bet Coach Finstock isn’t even in it! And I refuse to watch to find out.

But for those curious, here are his three rules to life. If you follow them, everything will be cream cheese.