If You Are/Were a Lesbian, Which Golden Girl Would You Want to Marry?

As the Supreme Court debates the constitutionality of California’s Proposition 8 on gay marriage, the overwhelming support for equality for all has loomed huge on the social media frontier. Yay! And while this makes me super duper duper happy–as it should everyone–I am also reminded of a few gals who were ahead of their time.

This show could also have been called "The Progressive Girls."

This show could also have been called “The Progressive Girls.”

It got me thinking . . . which Golden Girl would you want to marry if you were a lesbian? Let’s discuss.

Sophia Petrillo: Sophia is perhaps the most liberal of the bunch, which is even more amazing since she’s in her 80s and grew up in a very small community in Sicily. When Blanche was upset that her gay brother Clayton was marrying partner Doug, Sophia  explains why he wants to “slip a ring on it.”


Cons are that if you are a gold-digging lesbian who wants to marry someone for, er, her will, Sophia would not be a very good choice, as she always has to borrow money from Dorothy.

Dorothy Zbornak: Dorothy is a dream candidate for a lesbian. Tall, grand, smart, she’s never met a shoulder pad she doesn’t like. She also is well-read and very loyal to her friends. So loyal, in fact, that she doesn’t mind being a guest on Good Morning Miami with Blanche as “two women who loved each and slept together.” Well, maybe she minds a LITTLE. But she still loves the gays.


Rose Nylund: Rose may be sweet, innocent, and naive, but home girl is easy to love. In fact, that bottle blonde is desired by intellectual men such as professor Miles Webber AND lesbians such as Dorothy’s old friend Jean.


Blanche Devereaux: Despite what Phaedra Parks proclaims that she is the ultimate Southern Belle on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, everybody knows that it is Blanche who is the REAL Georgia peach. And let’s be honest, a real hussy too. The lady loves to spread her legs any chance she can get among the bachelors of Miami. I say you go girl. And while she does initially have issues with having a gay brother, the aforementioned Clayton, she does come around to support his union with Doug, even if she doesn’t QUITE understand homosexuality.


So what’s my verdict? It’s a tough one. But I’m going to have to go with Dorothy. Even though I’d be initially attracted to Rose, even I fast forward through her goddamn St. Olaf stories, and I have ZERO desire to try gerflagaflugen, or whatever the hell Scandinavian special she is cooking this week. Let’s just hope Dorothy inherited some of her ma’s cooking skills!

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