Hello kidz. There are many really important debates in life. Which Dick was the better Darrin on Bewitched? Does Nicole Kidman use Botox or baby’s blood for her smooth, wrinkle-free forehead? Do you get a better workout from a Skip-It or Pogo Ball?

Is that planet Saturn or a really cool toy? You decide.

The year 2013 brings us perhaps the biggest dilemma of all time, via the most important show of all time, ie The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Would you prefer a Donkey Booty or a Stallion Booty?

What an ass!

I wonder if this stallion is hung like a–oh BEHAVE!

Okay sorry I am terrible at posting pictures. You can’t be good at everything! That would be unfair to the rest of the world!

Anyway–everyone knows that this is the real battle between Southern Belle Phaedra (Brains, Booty, and all Business) and Miss USA not Miss Congeniality Kenya. Attorney to the stars (and Bobby Brown) Phaedra and her ex-convict husband Apollo (raised by white folk, he ate food from cans!) set out to make a workout video to get you that ever so desirable donkey booty. But then they refused to give any of the back end (hehe, hehe) to Kenya and her production company, so now Miss Kenya is making her OWN video. This time you will get a stallion ass.

Honestly–is anyone a winner here? I mean as far as animals go I have never said to myself I would LOOOOVE to look like a donkey. You know, the animal who is kind of lazy and gets stuck carrying everything. But then again, a stallion is a male horse sooooooo . . . who the f— knows.

That said, this story line is so amazing because it has brought us such gems, including:

I knew Miss Kenya was thirsty, but I ain’t know that heifer was starving!

Phaedra suffers from a very rare disease. Fullofshititis.

You can’t make this sh– up! But hey, at least I know what NOT to get Kenya for Christmas!

Proper spelling is opshional.