Oh hello, I am in a state of arrested development. Can we go to Tennessee?

I am still thirsty.

Truth be told, I want to go back EARLIER than 1992 when 3 Years, 5 Months & Days in the Life Of . . . was released. I want to return to 1985, and I want my mom to buy me “Peaches ‘n Cream Barbie.”

Pretty as a peach blossom!

What little girl and gay boy did not DREAM that sometime they would frolic around in this peach puff of a dress? I honest to God thought this would be what I wore for prom. Imagine my surprise when frilly taffeta was not IN in 1997. Boo f—ing hoo.

And alas for those who are all, what the flying f— does this have to with TV, just remember that we didn’t have the Internet in those days and I first heard about Peaches ‘N Cream in this very tasteful commercial. Later haterz.