Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart that Destiny Hope Cyrus–aka Miley!– is turning 20 this week.
How f—ing depressing. Miley is 1_ years younger than I am, and let’s see what she has accomplished in her two decades that I have yet to achieve:
1) An engagement to a hot Australian
2) An entry in Wikipedia
3) Possible billionaire status
4) World tours
5) Starring on her own Disney show
In comparison, at age 20 I bought 40s of Pabst Blue Ribbon with my fake ID in Portland, Oregon. As RuPaul says, don’t be jealous of my boogie.
Miley, you actually seem cool, but I don’t even want to hear what you’re going to f—ing do by age 30 because I can’t handle the truth.
Speaking of which, A Few Good Men also turns the big 2-0 this year! Code Red indeed!