Don’t believe the rumors, because Kris and Bruce Jenner are not divorcing! Well, phew, I can now give a deep breath of who gives a flying f—.

The best part, of course, is that were there ever any rumors to begin with? I never heard any. And I should know, because I am a pop culture whore. And the Kardashians and their brethren are fame whores so it’s like we’re kind of related.

Kim looks like a 1850s saloon whore here!

Man, do you ever look at Bruce Jenner and think how the mighty have fallen? Home boy was once the greatest athlete in the world. He won the decathlon gold medal in the 1976 Summer Olympics. Now he can’t even close his eyes he’s had so much plastic surgery.

Still great hair though, I will give him that.

All right, let’s cross our fingers and hope that true love lasts and that and Kris & Bruce stay wedded.