Fill in the Blank: Sofia Vergara has the biggest —– ever, and it’s spectacular!

I’m talking about her ring, pervs!

Thank God she has her huge ring to anchor her to the ground!

See, Sofia Vergara continues her mission to alienate her female fans everywhere. In the upcoming issue of Lucky Magazine, explained to us via, she explains to us where to shop for oh so beautiful dresses that will rip in inopportune times so you can tweet them out and thus gain legions of followers. Kidding! Nope, home girl finally confirms that she is in fact engaged to the luckiest bastard on Earth, aspiring Florida politician (he’s a keeper!) Nick Loeb. And that her ring is HUGE, but not so huge that she can’t actually wear it. Just how I like my [fill in the blank again].*

He must have a great personality. Or a big f—ing wallet.

I haven’t given up on Sofia yet. English is her second language after all. Let’s just hope she doesn’t next talk about how HARD it is being the most beautiful women ever with a fabulous rack!

Oh sh–. Too late.

*Porridge, pervs! You always disappoint me, while simultaneously making me giggle.

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