Oh my God, I DON’T know what I am going to do!

A.C. Slater is getting married, and it’s NOT to Jessie Spano.

I bet they share Aqua Net products.

Nope, Mario Lopez is marrying longtime girlfriend Courtney Mazza, the mother of his super cute two-year-old daughter Gia. It’s not TOTALLY new news–they’ve been engaged since January–but I’ve been in such denial because I really thought it was going to be me.

And then my beloved people.com reminded me that the day was MUCH closer than I thought by posting a picture from Mario’s bachelor party in Vegas this past weekend, which really looks like a picture of the Jersey Shore cast in twenty years.

If there is ever a shortage of hair gel in the world, go to their houses!

Courtney surprised Mario and pals at Tao when she performed in a slutty outfit with the Pussycat Dolls. Considering Slater famously cheated on first wife Ali Landy who annulled their marriage after just two weeks of wedded bliss, Courtney is WAY smart to keep him on a leash.

Maybe I’m not so sorry he’s getting married after all! I’ll just be jealous if Zack Morris shows up at the wedding! He’s hot!