It’s a lonely place at the top of the Fame Whore Ladder because you know a bitch is always going to want to push you off. We’ve seen it happen with Jill Zarin, Paris Hilton, and now Kim Kardashian’s position at the top rung is in danger of teetering over the edge because LeAnn Rimes is determined to push her off!

On my way to a Lifetime Movie premiere red carpet in my bikini!

See, today is LeAnn’s 30th birthday! And she celebrated it with 20 of her closest friends and why stop there. Let’s tweet it out! Look at my cake! It has me in a, wait for it, bikini! Ah, my life is SO awesome that I need to tell EVERYONE!

Gosh, remember the days when LeAnn Rimes was a squinty child prodigy country singer who looked like her dream was to be a grown up who shopped at Talbots? She looked 40 and sang like she was 40. Gosh, I miss those days.

Do you like my outfit? I got it at Bugle Boy!

Then LeAnn starred in a Lifetime Movie called Northern Lights (based on a Nora Roberts novel, of course) and ho thought she hit the big time! Already married, she fell in love with costar Eddie Cibrian–also married!–and they went on to proclaim their love via Twitter, People magazine, and beaches along the coast of California. Inspired by Kim Kardashian perhaps, bikini picture after bikini picture followed. Eventually both she and Eddie divorced their spouses and married each other. But one thing LeAnn didn’t quite calculate is that Eddie’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville is also a crazy fame whore, but way more fun! No, she doesn’t tweet bikini pictures, home girl gets cast on Real Housewives of Beverly Hill, a misnomer if I ever heard one, and we get to see live action shots of her in a bikini! Eat that LeAnn! But you probably won’t because it looks like you never even eat a cookie. Oh, did I just body snark? Oops!

Here’s the thing–the few times I’ve caught LeAnn on an interview on tv–remember, this blog is about TELEVISION!–she doesn’t seem that terrible! I feel so conflicted! But girl just needs to put down her Iphone and just quietly bang Eddie Cibrian because eventually I will come and get him. I would NEVER want a relationship with him, just a one night stand (sorry Mom!), and I’m NOT talking a Ryan Lochte one night stand, hehe!

Sure, Liz, you can come over and spend the night.