Today I went grocery shopping, because that’s one of the things you do when you are an adult who lives on your own. I made a really cool list of things to buy, such as chicken, beef, watermelon, bacon, and fennel–just to name a few!–and checked them off as I put them in my granny cart, which is the most ironic name since I am not a granny!

Keri Russell uses one too!

Then I went home and put my groceries away, including two Smart Ones because a girl needs her Points Plus! And then I practically wept because I bought a huge ass bunch of kale that wouldn’t fit in my crisper and had to rearrange all my Gatorades and marinades to fit it on a shelf. And I thought to myself, is this what my life has come to? Buying a big thing of kale that won’t fit and that I will probably end up not eating because I won’t feel like washing it and then that’s $2.oo down the tubes or however hell much it cost, I’m too lazy to look at the receipt.

And the kicker is that Snooki has a baby!

I know that me buying vegetables that I won’t eat and Snooki spawning someone are not mutually exclusive entities. They CAN coexist. It just seems like a world in which they do is so unfair.

But good for her, I hope she treats Baby Lorenzo better than I treat my avocados.