Let me be honest: I think Ryan Lochte is hot in a very dbaggy way, such that I’d be HAPPY to have a one-night-stand with him (Sorry Mom!) but I wouldn’t let him buy me breakfast the next morning, because I know he’d be all judgmental. “I’d like the Eggs Benny with extra hollandaise sauce, please!” I’d tell the waiter. Then I’d look over at Ryan and say, “the sauce is REALLY healthy! They add bacon fat to it!” Ryan would reply, “But bacon fat is BAD for you, Liz. Ask if they can make the sauce without it.” He probably wouldn’t even let me get a mimosa.
Am I projecting? Yes. But the thing is, this conversation is a very real possibility for SOMEONE if Ryan is chosen to be the next Bachelor on the eponymous ABC show The Bachelor. Ryan, you see, is looking for love, and what better to find it than a tv show with a 6.25% success rate. I don’t even watch this show and I am excited! Can you imagine the dialogue from brainiac Ryan? “Is this REALLY the most dramatic rose ceremony ever, Chris?” he’d ask. “Because you said that last week. Can it be most dramatic two weeks in a row?”
Ryan’s dance card is quite full: appearances on 90210 and Jay Leno, among other things that I’m too lazy to look up. There’s also talk of him competing on Dancing With The Stars. Honestly, I think he should be on every reality show ever. Heck, he’d be great on Hoarders! “I have so many shoes and Speedoes. And medals. Lots and lots of medals.”
And don’t get me started if they ever brought back the show Weakest Link. There isn’t a high bar set for athletes so Ryan would fit in just fine! Just ask fellow Olympian Andy Roddick.