The Weekend Report: Spray Tan Murder, Lesbian Kisses Between Girls, the Return of Lou Diamond Phillips, and a Desperate Ho’wives Reunion in Dallas!

Hey world!

One of the biggest challenges of being a really important and super busy person such as myself is that I don’t have a lot of time to watch tv during the week. Hence, I DVR everything, and hence the name of this brilliant blog, The DVR Files. Ta da! Aren’t I clever?

Naturally, I try to catch up on all my shows over the weekend, which can be complicated by the fact that I have a very crowded social calendar and everyone wants to hang out with me. Tough life, I know. But I still made time this weekend to watch a bunch of tv, and here is my report!

Sorry, Jesse Metcalfe, J.R. still has the best eyebrows on Dallas.

Let’s start with Dallas, or as I like to call it, Bobby Ewing is still a fox and J.R. is still a bad ass! This continuation of the series our parents watched features key players from the original cast (Patrick Duffy, Larry Hagman, and Linda Gray, who has not looked this good since her Models Inc. days) plus a slew of new peeps, including Desperate Housewives alums Brenda Strong and Jesse “I can’t act myself out of a paper bag” Metcalfe. The show is shallow, trashy, and fun! Verdict: Guilty of being fabulous. I will be watching.

Next I caught up on a week old episode of Dateline where a man’s wife died after getting a spray tan. He said it was an allergic reaction or a heart attack, the prosecutors said murder! In a shocking twist, he was actually found innocent! Truth be told, the whole case was super strange and lest anyone thing I’m being libelous, I don’t think he did it anyway.

And what’s a weekend without a little lesbian action between friends? I watched a two weeks old episode of Girls where Brian Williams’ and the drummer from Bad Company’s daughters made out in front of a rich yuppie in Williamsburg because why not. The show is doing the unthinkable–making me actually think Hannah is the most likable out of all them. Oh uh!

This is exactly how I spent my 20s! Oh, girls!

Finally, I watched the pilot episode of my new favorite show on cable, Longmire, starring Ritchie Valens wannabe and ethnically ambiguous Lou Diamond Phillips, who is playing an Indian named Henry Standing Bear this time around.

So there you have it! I have a lot of homework this week: True Blood, The Killing, and the entire season of Game of Thrones. This will be an intense summer!

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