If Child Actors Had a Yearbook, Would ANYONE Get Voted Most Likely to Succeed, as I did in 8th grade?

(After an intense campaign, I should add, that nearly cost me three friends. I was so manipulative back then!)

At any rate, this blog is not called the Liz Files, it’s called The DVR Files, so let’s get to the subject matter at hand: former child actors who have, er, had a falling in life.

This week has not been a good one for these former child actors. First, we discovered that Jamie from Small Wonder lives under a bridge. Then, former All That actress Amanda Bynes was charged with a DUI for an incident a couple of months ago where she sideswiped a police car. Always a smart move! But don’t wonder, it’s not true, kidz! She tweeted to President Obama: Hey @Barack Obama . . . I don’t drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I don’t hit and run. The end.

Well, Amanda, if you are not guilty of DUI, you are guilty of writing dumb ass tweets! I don’t know if you knew this, but Obama has a country to run, where there are these things going on like the “economy,” “war,” “education,” and “healthcare.” It just MIGHT be hard for him to fire a local cop. Though, possibly he could invite you two over for a beer summit? Oh, but wait . . . you don’t drink.

I’m sorry, but that cop is hot. I wish he arrested ME when I lived in Cambridge. “You have the right to bear my children!” Yes, please!

The next piece of former child actor news is less bad, but rather sad. Well, except for any boy that was born between the years 1975 and 1982. Then this news is great! Yes, gentlemen ages 30-37, Winnie Cooper is back on the market.

If all our first kisses were captured in such sepia-tinged light.

Yup, actress Danica McKellar has filed for divorce from her husband of three years, composer Mike Verta. Danica has actually been quite successful, so maybe she would have been voted most likely to succeed, along with Blossom. Danica attended UCLA, majoring in math, and graduating summa cum laude. She is such a geek that she even named her son after a Harry Potter character, albeit an evil one: Draco.

So, there we have it. DUI and Divorced. Hope these former child actors see happiness soon!

And with that, I gotta jet! North Andover Middle School’s Class of 1993 Most Likely to Succeed has very important things to do, like work!

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