If you’ve ever wondered what makes me happy, here is a list:

• Finding a pencil (or pen).
• Pizza with sausage.
• Two kinds of ice cream.

Or five.

• Knowing a secret.
• Five different crayons.
• Being alone every now and then.
• Coming home again.
• Morning and evening,
• Daytime and night time too.
• Sharing a sandwich.

Basically, I enjoy the exact same things as Charlie Brown does as I literally cut and paste the lyrics from the song “Happiness” from the 1967 musical You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. (I omitted the part about “learning to whistle” and “tying your shoe for the very first time” because I still can’t do those things.)

You know what makes Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul happy, besides meth?

His WIFE Lauren Parsekian!

She kind of looks like a real live Oscar in that gold dress.

I know this because he declares it at any opportunity possible.

To wit:

August 2012, interview with GQ Magazine, when they were first engaged:

She’s the greatest woman that has ever existed. No offense to other women on this planet, but she is hands down the best . . . We fell in love at Coachella. We ran off together at Coachella. You know, first kiss on the Ferris wheel sort of thing

Uh, that’s a thing? What are you, a teenage girl?

Emmys 2012:

Being engaged “is the greatest thing – ever. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me . . . She wakes up so unbelievably gorgeous every day, so I try to look good next to her.”

August 2013, after a whole three months of marriage:

Lauren and I definitely want to have kids. No rush. All our future children will be very lucky to have her as a mother . . . Let me tell you, my friend, I will be in the honeymoon phase until I leave this planet. Getting married to Lauren was the greatest accomplishment of my life. I will be forever grateful.

Huh. And I thought winning two Emmys for your role in what many consider the best TV of all time was considered a pretty big accomplishment. You live, you learn.

But still, Aaron, I don’t know if I believe you. Can you tell me one more time how much you adore your wife?

Yup! At this year’s Emmys:

“Uh, I’m the luckiest guy on the planet, yeah. Because we’re so ridiculously in love! I mean, I can’t even explain to you, it’s just such an obsession I have,” Paul said of his wife on Sunday, adding that sometimes he asks her, ” ‘Is it hard being the most beautiful person on the planet?’ “

To be fair, Paul’s wife Lauren Parsekian is a gorgeous 26-year-old who runs an anti-bullying group (Paul is 34). What’s not to love?

However, Mr Paul, I’d recommend you tread lightly from here on out. Remember what happened to Tom Cruise?