Tori Spelling is So Subtle

Tori Spelling needs to learn to come out of her shell. After all, the public needs to know what the star of Craft WarsMy Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Mistle-tones is doing these days because we really, really care.

When did the ponies become such coquettes?

When did the ponies become such coquettes?

Well, what do you know? Her PR team just sent a press release to People Magazine about a super important issue that demands our attention IMMEDIATELY. Hmmm . . . is Tori pregnant again? Or maybe she is making a major donation to a charity? Please, people. Those things are for plebes. Nope, Tori’s announcement is WAY more earth-shattering. Are you ready? Brace yourself.

Tori’s husband Dean McDermott bought her a very tacky ring to celebrate the 20th year since Donna Martin graduated their seventh wedding anniversary.

Let's dance!

It even spins!

Want to gag even more? Okay, then! The ring designer Neil Lane explains:

Tori and Dean are so interconnected and she is, literally and spiritually, the world to him. I wanted to make a sphere, a world all in diamonds. To make it sexy, a little Hollywood with a bit of a vintage feel, I put diamonds in it and the spinning movement represents how their worlds revolve around each other.

Let’s put this sh– in perspective. Tori and Dean are one of those couples who renew their vows every year. Know who else did that? Heidi Klum and Seal. No more words, your honor.

I am by no means on some moral high ground, but Tori and Dean’s relationship has always struck me as just a TAD tacky. After all, both parties were married to different people when they met on the set of the Lifetime movie Mind Over Murder (of course they did). Fine, they fell in love. Go retreat back into your corner and just chill out for a while. But no, Tori and Dean pulled an LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian before there even WAS a LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian and constantly had to state how much in love they were. We love each other! they’d shout from the rooftops. We love each other! they’d shout from the basements. We love each other! they’d shout from whatever reality show they were filming on Oxygen.

So now that it’s seven years of marriage, let’s see if the itch begins. Yes, I’m a terrible person.

But come on, we all know that 1) Tori bought that ring with her own money because how can Dean afford such beauty when one of his only gigs in the past is Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe and 2) He really got that ring to celebrate the 20 years since Donna Martin graduated.


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