(Yes, that spelling is intentional. Work with me a moment.)

As we know, 23-year-old professional cradle robber Taylor Swift LOVES boys. And boys they usually are. Taylor Lautner, Conor Kennedy, and now One Direction star Harry Styles, age 18! You rock your cougar freak flag in training!

I have an idea . . . let’s go raid the local high school and find boys!

Now, I think after this latest PR set up relationship ends–which looks like it may be VERY soon–Taylor Swift needs to date a REAL man. And I’m not talking about that sensitive John Mayer–anyone over the age of 21 knows that crap like “Your Body is a Wonderland” is something that only a high school slut would want to be about them.

I’m talking about the original Styles . . . Stiles Stilinski, from the 1985 movie Teen Wolf (I can’t believe I even have to specify this, but blame MTV).

Yes I AM looking at you Dicknose!

While technically Stiles WAS a high school student when he came into my consciousness, the actor who played him, Jerry Levine, was 28. But he was wise behind his years. He made Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox for you heathens) a very successful wolf, but ultimately Scott dropped it all to be with Boof. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I suggest you rent the movie.

Heck, you can buy Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too for $5!

And Taylor, Stiles and his pals will ALWAYS help you find a keg. of beer.