Okay, let’s talk. Lindsay Lohan is in the news a LOT. She does all sorts of crazy things like stealing necklaces, hitting people with cars, and punching psychics at da club. The word “arrested” comes up 6 times in her wikipedia page, “rehab” or “rehabilitation” 31 times, and “probation” 21 times. To put this in perspective, these words only appear 6, 7, and 2 times in Robert Downey, Jr.’s and 2, 8, and 4 in Chuck Sheen’s. And they have 21 years on her. You go girl!

Too bad there is no time machine invented that can go back to 2004 so we can freeze Hot Lindsay and also  save Adriana from being whacked by Silvio on Sopranos.

But let’s be honest, Lindsay Lohan is not the only hot mess of a starlet. Hello, does anyone remember Drew Barrymore? Home girl wrote a goddamn BOOK at age 15 called Little Girl Lost about her trip to rehab at age 13. That’s what a bitch has gotta do when you start going to Studio 54 as a wee one, smoking ciggies at age 9, drinking booze at 11, smoking pot at 12, and snorting coke by 13. Beat that Lindsay!

I begged my mom to buy this for me from Walden Books back in the day.

And Drew’s mama Jaid makes Dina Lohan look like frigging Mary Poppins! Drew legally EMANCIPATED herself from Jaid when she was just 14! Both ladies posed for Playboy within 8 months of each other! Whereas I’m sure Dina will wait a respectable 2 years to follow Lindsay’s cover.

In conclusion, Drew B had it ROUGH and look at her now! At age 37, she’s a successful actress, producer, wife (for the third time!), and new mama. Let’s hold a candle for Lindsay and say a little prayer.

Am I right Dionne Warwick or am I right?