Okay, I’ll be upfront with you. I’m a Red Sox fan. 2004 was one of the best years of life because 1) I had a British boyfriend named Dr. Love for a few months and 2) the Red Sox won the World Series after an 86 year drought. Who could forget Game 4 when they were down 3-0 in the ALCS, the Yankees virtually set to clench the pennant, and then BOOM, Dave Roberts stole second base, Bill Mueller singled him in, the game went into extra innings, and then David Ortiz hit a two run home run that catapulted the Sox into a wave of success that ultimately led them to win the World Series?

Me and Papa Simons will always remember!

At any rate, there were traces of the 2004 ALCS series in the air this year, and unfortch not with the Sox. Let’s just forget this season ever happened to them. Onwards. So the Yankees were playing the Detroit Tigers in the ALCS, and they were down 3-0 as of yesterday. And while the Red Sox fans had been full of hope in 2004–sort of, let’s be honest, there were many doom and gloomers among us–none of my Stanks fan friends were quite so optimistic as Derek Jeter had broken his ankle during Game 1 so the chances for a Yankee victory were low. Even Sox fans felt bad because Jeter has always been a class act, unlike his teammate Alex Rodriguez who was too busy trying to pick up girls to care about his team’s performance.

In a game of F—, Marry, Kill, I’d F— A Rod, Marry Jeter, and kill myself for considering sex and matrimony with a Yankee.

However, while I actually do have a bit of sympathy for the YankMes, I am happy for the Tigers because Detroit needs some positive energy going their way. And honestly, it’s really hard to feel bad for multi-millionaire ball players when I am fretting that my Con Ed bill is twenty bucks higher than it was at this time last year.

And yes, while it blows that Jeter is injured, he’s doing JUST fine. I’m sure his 22-year-old lady friend Hannah Davis, who also happens to be a Victoria’s Secret model, is busy comforting him and his gimp leg.

That ankle will get tender loving care I’m sure.