Oh my F—ing God. Jennifer Aniston is engaged to that guy from Six Feet Under and now she has a huge ring.

Bigger than a Ring Pop, but probably not as tasty!

And not a single f— was given by me.

Jennifer Aniston is filthy rich, beautiful, and probably still smokes pot. I would love to have her as a friend because you know that she’d get the good sh–. She has done a lot of philanthropic work for St. Jude’s, Doctors Without Borders, and the gays. Me likey. And while, yes, the ring is a tad gauche, I’m not wearing it! So it’s not my problem!

Jennifer Aniston is the perfect personification of “first world problem” as in, wah wah wah people are complaining that my ring is too big, Brad Pitt left me but now I get to bang an assortment of other hot guys. But she’s still cool and does her own thing. If she wants a big ass ring, then let her have it.

All right, time for me to eat my lunch. End/rant.