Okay, one thing that is absolutely shocking in life, besides Khloe Kardashian’s career, is that I have NEVER written about Lindsay Lohan and her island of misfit family in The DVR Files. I hold true to the theory that you shouldn’t kick a dog that’s already down–unless their name is LeAnn Rimes–but the Lohan clan is just too rich to ignore.

How the mighty have fallen . . . .

There is honestly SO much to say, but Mama has to get to work so let’s just touch base on Lindsay’s latest escapade, which came to us in the form of a tweet. How 21st century.

So as we all know, Lindsay once showed a ton of promise, was in a bunch of movies, dated Aaron Carter, got in a feud with Hilary Duff over Aaron Carter, starred in Mean Girls, and then became a public nuisance with her movies (Just My Luck, anyone?) AND her driving while impaired, stealing, etc. In the olden days, these stars would be banished to Branson, Missouri where maybe they would do a play and eat bon bons, what do I know. But our girl Lindsay will NOT go away!

The latest, of course, is that fellow role model Amanda Bynes had her car impounded while facing charges for DUI and two counts of hit and run. Just your normal, every day activities! And Lindsay Lohan, in a stunning display of self awareness (not!) tweeted-wait for it- “Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?”

Jesus F—ing Chris Lindsay. It’s not a competition. You BOTH broke the law. It’s not like the LAPD have a quota on former washed up child stars that they need to arrest every week. “That’s why we acquitted Robert Blake of murdering his wife in 2001,” said no police captain ever. “I really liked him in The Little Rascals in the 1940s. And now Lindsay has to serve as my sacrificial lamb!”

I am not defending Amanda Bynes at all-she should be punished!–but her case hasn’t even gone to court yet, Sherlock Lohan. Sheesh.

Someone please take away Lindsay’s Iphone–you know she can’t afford the bill anyway. The next time I want to see her is in Liz & Dick on Lifetime!