Every once in a while you get a gift from God that is SO GREAT that you swear you’ll go to church every Sunday and start donating money to the blind and volunteering at a soup kitchen because you are SO GRATEFUL to be alive!

Preach!

Today is one of those days.

You see, the whiniest crooner in the history of the world–John Mayer–announced that he won’t be singing his old hits during his latest tour because he’s still recovering from two vocal surgeries. What a bummer–not!

Listening to your music makes me want to take a dump too!

John (and his David Duke dick) will not be proclaiming that “Your Body is a Wonderland.” He won’t be using any sexual napalm on “Daughters.” I can assure you I won’t be “Waiting on the World to Change” because this is fabulous news.

Now if he can go off on an island somewhere with Kanye I will become a nun. Got that God?