Congratulations! You’re Going to the Prom! Which Dress Do You Wear?

Let’s pretend you exist in a world where high school was fun because boys asked you out like all the time. In fact, you had your choice of prom dates because soooo many handsome young men thought you were gorge, instead of having your mom have to call in a favor to her best friend to beg her son who went to a different high school 100 miles away to go with you.

I was clearly the former.

I was clearly the former.

So in this world you get to buy whatever prom dress you want. The catch? It HAS to be something that an awesome actress wore on TV, something you can find here, for example. Movies shown on basic cable count. Let’s discuss.

1) Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh, Beverly Hills, 90210

I don't think the bow is big enough.

Turn those frowns upside down, bitches!

This is a very beautiful early 1990s number that you could probably buy off the rack at JC Penney’s. Its simple black and white color scheme will not distract from the REAL events of the Spring Dance: being crowned Spring Queen (Kelly) or losing your virginity to Dylan (Brenda).

2) Cinderella, Cinderella

Ice Queen

This ice queen looks hot as hell!

You REALLY wanted to go with a pink dress your friends made you, but your evil stepsisters destroyed it so you were all, I need some divine intervention to help a sister out. Fairy godmother, are you there? And poof! Home girl hooked you up with this fancy piece that shows off your cleavage AND makes you look classy and royal. Score!

3) Andie Walsh, Pretty in Pink


Well, interesting in pink, I’d say.

You’re the creative, artsy type and also a big fan of The Golden Girls, so it’s only natural that you asked yourself “What Would Dorothy Zbornak Do?” if she were going to the prom. She would do this, I’m sure, though maybe with flesh-covered shoulder pads.

So what’s it going to be? Are you getting your dress from the mall, through divine channels, or are you making it yourself?

Let’s just hope your date is as fun as Duckie.


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