Do NOT get me wrong. I am an adult woman born to parents who love me very much. They bought me great toys growing up, like Rainbow Brite dolls and the She-Ra Castle and Rub-a-Dub Doggie. I even like to travel with them as a grown-up, especially if they pay for it!
It’s always sunny in the land of the cool, as we obviously are!
That said, I would TOTALLY not object if someone famous and rich would like to adopt me. And we have SO many good choices. Let’s discuss, shall we?
1) Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley
I’m not a racist, but Asian babies really are the cutest.
An unusual choice, yes, but she’s a former tv actress and we needed to connect this post to the DVR, somehow. Katherine and her hubby have adopted two ADORABLE little girls, and I think they need to add a redhead to the bunch, though it MIGHT be a little weird because I’m the same age as Katherine.
2) Denise Richards
She makes single motherhood look not complicated.
Denise, as we know, had two beautiful daughters with ex-husband Charlie Sheen. After the divorce, she adopted Eloise Joni on her own. Let’s be motherf—ing honest–the only BAD part about being adopted by Denise now is that Charlie would not be our stepfather. Sooooo not #winning!
3) Brangelina
Sorry, but Shiloh is my favorite.
You knew I was going to go there. Brad and St. Angelina have already adopted like a gazillion kids, what’s one more? They don’t even seem to ever go to school. They just travel around the world wearing cool clothes and going toy-shopping. I could handle that.
4) Tom Cruise
Tom adopted two kids, Isabella and Connor, with second wife Nicole Kidman.
Never forget first wife Mimi Rogers, people.
When Tom and Nicole divorced, Tom got full custody of the kidz and today he is raising them as Scientologists and they’re basically estranged from Nicole, or so the gossip rags imply! The pros to being Tom Cruise’s kids is you can be a professional DJ at 17. The downside is that you know he loves his (questionably) biological daughter Suri the best.
Wow, so many great adopted parents! Who would I use? Interestingly enough, I’m gonna go with Denise Richards as I am too old to be Katherine Heigl’s child and not sanctimonious enough to be St. Angie’s daughter. Tom Cruise might be fun, but my thetan got in a fight with Xenu, so it probably wouldn’t work out. So Denise it is!
The DVR Files 
Shiloh is my fave too! AND I really miss Denise’s show. Do you remember that gem? As per usual on reality shows like that one, the parents of the stars are my favorite characters. In this case, Denise’s dad–who lives down the street from MY parents!!!
Is the Pope Catholic? Of COURSE I remember Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. Aired the same season as another gem called Living Lohan. Um . . . I am SO visiting your parents! LOVED her parents!