I try to be humble in my day to day life but I must admit I’m a bit of a scholar when it comes to pop culture. What can I say? I’m a genius.

Yahoo!

So it’s only natural that I’m going to weigh in on when a celebrity makes a really profound statement about their sex life with their spouse. Ahem.

In an interview with Elle magazine, which I read via People because, hello, I am not some fancy French fashion-loving person, Alan Thicke’s son Robin talks about what happens between the sheets with his wife, actress Paula Patton. Get ready to barf.

They are attractive. I can admit that.

On how they keep it hot after 20+ years together (they met in high school):

The spice is not our problem. We’re overspiced. We could probably take a few spices off the shelf.

On their soundtrack to love-making, which is naturally his own music:

In fact, she likes to do it more than ever now. Sometimes she’ll even play groupie for me.

On how his dad Dr. Seaver was not that innocent:

I love a good leather jacket.

He had an indoor Jacuzzi, and he frequented it. The first time I saw a naked woman was when I went to take a shower one morning before school. I was like, Who is this girl in my shower?

Okay, so the last one is not about conjugal sex but still. Ewwwww.

Robin is not the only guilty party. Paula has also been known to spout off about Robin’s private parts, which he famously claims are really big in the video for “Blurred Lines.” In an interview with Glamour, home girl explains:

Robin’s like, “Listen, if I’m, you know, in the Miami Heat’s locker room, I don’t know where I stand, but.…” But I think that the statement is fairly accurate!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy that you have a healthy and awesome sex life behind closed doors. But here’s an idea . . . why don’t you keep it behind closed doors! No need to brag all the time!

Also–I’m always weary of people who talk about how amazing their sex life is every chance they get. I think Heidi Klum used to do that, and look what happened to her and Seal!

Call me crazy and cynical, but I imagine we’ll be hearing about a Robin Thicke/Paula Patton divorce in the near future.